FREE Sundays!

I almost forgot I did that in my previous P4s! I feel confident I've done fine stabilizing so I'm doing a free Sunday. I get whatever I want today. So, I ate fairly normally today with the exception of the wine at the listing appointment, and a low carb burger for dinner, and 2 marshmallow caramels for dessert. Weeeeeeeeeee!

Just in cases, the steak is thawing...

:)

1 week down in P4 - 114.5 (114.3 on suck up). WOW!

Oke doke! Looks like I'm nice and stable at a weight I deem perfect. Yea!!

It's COLD here. 19 degrees. UGH. It snowed yesterday so the roads are frozen. I will have to creeeeep to my appointment today. We're supposed to get socked with a major storm tonight through Wednesday (when my pre-op appointment is). I hate, hate driving in the Winter. Hate it.

Speaking of my appointment, I still have yet to hear back from the thermagram people. I'm a little antsy about that as I must have that before he operates. A week from Tuesday! Oh my heavens, okay, not thinking about that now.

I think I'm going to treat myself to a little chocolate today!

Hope you're all fantastic!

Day 6 P4 - 114.9 (114.5 on Suck Up) - hooray for Julian Bread!

I have to admit, I was a little worried given how sensitive I used to be to grains to try the Julian bread. I will also admit that I expected the bread to taste like cardboard. I toasted it and slathered it with butter. The bread was a little dry, but with melted butter? I thought I'd died and gone to carb heaven. It was yummy! As you can see, it had no adverse affect on my weight either! I am so happy to see my weight settling in here. Pretty soon I'll stop logging all my food as well, and simply allowing my morning weight to dictate what I eat that day. Today, I had another slice and put it under the broiler with a slice of pepper jack cheese. MMMMM! Yummy!

I had an incredibly productive day today. I dropped off a box of chocolates to one of my tenants and picked up their rent and deposited it. I then went down town to a book signing for a friend who is an actor who plays a very popular local character, Sister Dottie S. Dixon. The character he plays is of a Mormon mother of a gay son. He does a radio show, as well as a play and just released his book illustrated by Pat Bagley, "The Mormon Kama Sutra"

I got myself a copy (he gave it to me and even planted a big kiss on it!), as well as 4 more as Christmas presents for various lovies who are all ex-Mormons, thus able to get those references.

Oh, he was on The Colbert Report last month - he was one of the guys (the other is his partner) dressed as the Village People in this clip:

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Nailed 'Em - Mormon Church Trespassing
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor U.S. Speedskating

I came home to find an email from someone I know from the local wine club who is ready to start looking at homes! What a great surprise! So, I'm having coffee with them tomorrow to talk about that, and then I have a listing appointment with a mutual friend of "Sister D's" tomorrow as well. What FUN!

I hope you're all having a terrific weekend!

5th day of P4 - 115.1 (114.5 on suck up)

Hello, my lovies!

I was feeling so much better yesterday that I got very busy with all I've not had the energy for while I've been sick. I showed homes, did laundry, worked on my property management (I picked up a new rental! Yeah!), and delivered just moved cards to my past clients. I'm afraid I pushed myself a little too hard as I felt less fantastic this morning. I'm okay now, but I am going to move a bit more slowly today.

I've written myself a check to deposit in my main account that will cover the surgery. It will be paid for in cash. I have enough left over from my commissions to cover my taxes (if I have to pay any - I think I'll be getting money back but I'd rather be safe than sorry!).

So, I got down to 115.9 yesterday after my steak day. I was so busy yesterday and the easiest things to grab happened to be low carb, so I was basically eating P3 style and dropped another .8. I am going to try my Julian bread which arrived this week! I am thinking of having it toasted with a tablespoon of coconut oil, cinnamon, and stevia as a treat. Net 1 carb and 13 grams of fiber! We shall see! It's been awhile since I had any grains.

Thanks again for all the hand holding lately. I'm a highly sprung individual and come from a long line of over reactors (Father of the Bride!). You are beyond appreciated and your comments feel like virtual hugs!

This is for you!

Getting a grip. "AH-HA! ... duh..."

Lavenderdiva, THANK YOU. Your comments these last couple posts have blessed me. I actually had a clear idea as to what I was going to write tonight and then read your comment on my last post and saw that you said what I was wanting to say, only more centered and clear and I cannot tell you how blessed I feel that you're a part of my life. Truly blessed.

I realized tonight what a miracle I am. What a miracle my life is. What a miracle this protocol has been for me. What a miracle this community of blogs has become for me. What a miracle that we are transforming right before our very eyes - physically, emotionally, and spiritually. What a miracle!


I have always had the Universe's support. Always. Life isn't about routine and playing it safe. At least it never has been for me. To be so fearful of the change I crave so dearly is understandable, yet really silly when I consider what my life has been.

There was a long time when I wasn't so afraid. The only thing I feared was falling asleep and some men. In 1996, I got into a car wreck that totaled my car (left me unscathed thankfully), got divorced, and the family business went belly up. Within a few months of all that, I began having panic attacks. I thought I was dying. I was sure every time we drove over a bridge, it would collapse. I became paranoid that someone would poison my food if we went out to eat. Forget flying, elevators, or escalators. Even then, the Universe stepped in. A HUGE package of xanax ended up being mailed to my home, addressed to someone else. My parents and I tried to locate this woman to no avail. After I had a particularly bad attack, my mother gave me one and I realized I wasn't dying after all, and in fact felt quite good. I then went to a doctor got a prescription.

I continued to have these attacks for 2 more years. I remember walking through a grocery store with my mother having an attack and in tears telling her that I knew that one day, I would be well again. One day, I would not have to take a pill to stop me from believing I was dying. One day, I could tell someone who felt the same way that they too would get through this someday.

I haven't taken a xanax in over 10 years. The last time I had an episode that had me believing I was dying was 4 years ago. Sometimes I feel it coming on but I know what it is, and I'm not dying. I ride the wave.

My full blown panic is gone. My anxiety is still an issue, but I am a miracle. I am loved and supported. I am powerful. I can transform. I am proof of that. 

Life is incredible. To have a perception based on physical limitations is incredible.


The best drug to calm nerves is the truth. I've found it before in books such as "A Course In Miracles" and Gangaji, as well as Byron Katie's "The Work"

Thank you all for continuing on this journey with me. It helps to share it with you. It helps so much when you share with me.

We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves. - Buddha

3rd day P4 - 117.3 (116.8 on suck up). Steak day.

First, I need to thank you guys for the encouraging comments. I really, really appreciate it.

I'm up! :( I know technically I don't need a steak day if I go by my LDW rather than my LLW. Hmm. I think it's the sodium in all the chicken soup I've been eating. I am not big on salt normally.

Ok, I oscillate between being excited and being absolutely terrified. Right now, I'm terrified. It's actually why I'm writing, in hopes it will calm me down to talk about it. Hormonally Challenged Gal, I had to chuckle a little when you said I didn't strike you as someone who would make rash decisions. :) I'm just the opposite! I was ready to marry my husband the moment we met in person after a short online romance. I was raised in the circus! The only logic on this whole surgery is that his folks will be here to help take care of me while I recover. I am absolutely panicked about our finances as well as my physical safety - not sure which one has me more frightened. BUT, I've already paid 10% down and that is non-refundable. This is going to happen. I'm really trying to turn my nerves into excitement. It's scary.

I think I'm recovering from the cold. I was icky this morning but my head feels pretty clear now, which is great as I need to get to work. I've been sending out my Holiday postcards from my business. I need to make the appointment to meet with a potential new client while the iron is hot, and I have some homes to show my buyer as back up in case his offer fails for any reason. Things to do, and this needs to all happen before my in-laws are here on the 13th. Surgery is the 15th! Oh gads, and then I need to wrap presents (and buy some for the in-laws) all before I go in. There is so much to do. Here I am blogging. Sheesh.

Hormonally Challenged Gal, thanks for the compliment on my collage! I do one every year and it fascinates me how they turn out. We all get together with a huge pile of magazines and begin to just grab anything that grabs us, without thinking about it. We analyze after everything has been glued onto the poster board. Anyway, I took a digital image of it and uploaded the image to photobucket.com and in the blog html, chose that image as the background image so I could have it here. I also have it as my screen image on my computer. Hope that helps!

Okay, I leave you with a quote I saw today that I really loved.

A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse.- Stephen Dolley Jr

2nd day of P4, 115.9 (115.4 on suck up), lots of new intruduced.

Hey hey. I'm exactly 2 pounds up from LLW and not quite 2 pounds under LDW. This after introducing some starch and sugar, and having a handful of cashews last night (SALT!!). Not bad results. I'll keep the steaks out of the freezer for one more day just in cases (was that from Love Actually? My daughter says it all the time now and is so adorable).

I'm having a very hard time with my emotions right now. I panic when I'm sick anyway but to have the surgery looming exactly 2 weeks from now, I'm a mess. What am I doing?? I know it will be okay, but ACK!!

So, while on the trip everyone pulled my husband aside to get an idea as to why he'd not considered moving to Portland. God, I appreciate my family. My sister's wasband took him to a brew pub and questioned him further. What he told him was that the office there is much more formal and he prefers the laid back attitude of the Utah office, and that he felt Portland would be far more expensive than Utah. The first point I can't argue. The second one, I feel I can. I've looked at cost of living calculators between where we are versus there and there is about a 10K per year difference, however, this would assume I'm not working. My kids are old enough for me to go back to work. So, it isn't more expensive to move there. Our home has equity and the market out there got hit a LOT worse than ours. We could get a lot more home out there for the money.

At one point, he told me everyone was pressuring him to move to Portland. I replied, "We should!". He didn't say anything about it after that.

So, it's a matter of addressing that first point. It's a valid point, but so is the point that our kids will have so many more opportunities for them there, not to mention a culture that they'd fit in, that I'd fit in, and we'd be close to family. That's huge. HUGE.

His folks will be here in another couple weeks and I have this major surgery coming up. It's a lot of pressure so I'm not pushing the issue right now, but it will come up and I'm no longer afraid to say what I need to say.

So, there you have it. I'm moving very slowly and trying to move this bug out of my system. I'll get some emergen-c when I pick up the kids from school. Tomorrow I'll do some moving of commissions around on my various credit cards so I can pay for this surgery. I have another accepted offer on a pre-forclosure house that I believe will go through sometime next month, and I have a potential either listing or new rental coming up this week, and they want to buy too... but I've learned not to count unhatched chicks!

Love you guys. You really help me so very much.