2 weeks into P4 - 116.7 (116.1 on kiss ass)

It amazes me at how well I've stabilized. I've technically not had to do a steak day through all P3 and P4 after my last round if you go by my true last dose weight of 117.6. In fact, I don't think I've even surpassed that weight at all. I still like the idea of going with my average between that weight and 113.9 landing me at 115.75.

I am shocked I didn't gain more. Last night we went to a holiday party with co-workers of my husband who have turned into camping buddies in the Summer, and one couple is actually a property management client of mine now. I didn't hold back. I ate chips and dip and bacon wrapped stuffed jalapeño peppers, drank way too much wine and did a jell-o shot. This went on until midnight. To get on the scale at 4 in the morning to see only slightly more than a pound? Shut UP!!

I AM doing a steak day, only because otherwise the steak won't be eaten and I'm not one to waste a steak! I'm drinking lots of water.

So, here's a little miracle.

Utah is considered one of the breast augmentation capitals of the USA. I think it's right behind LA, though it may actually have surpassed them. That said, there are a LOT of plastic surgeons here. A LOT. Last night I was chatting with one of our friends who had been turned onto HCG after my success. She and her daughter did it over the Summer together. Her daughter was obese and has been thrilled to finally have something that works. That aside, my friend had also had the surgery so she was sharing with me her experience, giving me tips, etc. WELL. It turns out her husband's daughter works as a nurse for a plastic surgeon, and has worked with 7 different doctors. My friend texted her and asked who she worked for now. Yes, my doctor. She texted back that not only did she work with him, but he was the one who did all of her work as well! Not only THAT, but she is assisting him on my surgery. I've met her once before at one of our camp outs. I am so comforted that she'll be there! My friend told her how nervous I was and made sure she knew I needed extra hand holding. Is that the universe supporting and loving me or what?! Of ALL the surgeons in Utah...

My in-laws will be here tonight. I've got their rooms all done, fresh flowers in each, new towels, and everything spic and span.. Now I need to work on the bathrooms and my desk.

Love to you!

Day 13 P4 115.5 (115.1 on SU)

A girlfriend of mine stopped by last night. We had the rest of the Costco pizza and some yummy wine from the winery where my sister works. I had a steak thawed for today, fully expecting to need it. Nope! We do have a party tonight to go to so we'll see if I need it tomorrow. Hopefully not. I don't mind steak days, but I love the idea of just being stable. I even had a cookie last night.

I showed a home today with a barn. I'm 5' tall and not used to needing to duck. On my way back from the barn, we had to go through a gate with an iron bar across the top and I was walking full speed and wasn't paying attention. THUMP. Hit me square on the head! I felt completely discombobulated! If you watch CSI, you'll remember those scenes where something hits someone and then it zooms into the person to show the damage. I had those visions. As you all have figured out by now, I tend to panic easily.  I hadn't eaten before I went to show the home and had only a couple cups of coffee and I'm hoping that's why I'm feeling a bit dizzy now (though I did come home and fix myself eggs and turkey sausage for lunch). Boy do I feel dumb!

Tomorrow night my in-laws arrive. This weekend I will devote to getting everything prepared for them. I am so excited to be seeing them again. I adore them! Last time I saw them I had just finished up my first round and was 138 pounds. Last time they saw a picture of me with my current bod, they asked my husband if it really was me! I now weigh what I did when I lived in Holland. They have their daughter-in-law back.

Speaking of my husband... he flies to Portland the end of the month for a face to face meeting with his company's CIO.... :)

I love you guys! Have a great weekend!

Day 12? Is that right? Almost 2 weeks into P4 - 115 (114.5 on suckety uppety)

Stable. That's a great feeling! Especially considering how completely unnerved I feel.

I had a total breakdown this afternoon. It's been a long time since I actually sobbed. I was alone and feeling fearful and selfish. I felt so much guilt about the surgery and how I was putting my life at risk to do this and that I could possibly leave my children without a mother for my vanity. I sobbed. I felt waves of guilt and fear wash over me and I just broke down.

I needed the release. It occurred to me how I've left them without a mother for some time. How for so long I've been sleepwalking through my life and how much I've missed out with them because of that. I'm finally awake, and awake enough to question what the hell I'm doing with the surgery.

It is what it is and it will happen. Tuesday December 15 at 7 am Mountain time. It won't make a difference if I fret about it or not. Perhaps light a candle for me if you're up at that time, would you? :)

Still so much to do but I've run out of steam today. I took my daughter to the mall and she picked out a holiday dress. We were actually going for me as I have a party tomorrow night, but she saw this dress and lit up. I'm going to wear one I already have. :) Typical! I shouldn't be shopping pre-new body anyway, right?

Thanks for checking in with me! Happy Hanukkah!

P4, Day 11, 116.1 (115.7 on el suckety-upo)

Two words: Costco pizza.

So, I'm rethinking the whole LDW/LLW thing, as 115 is where I seem to be most consistently. I went ahead and added my LDW of 117.6 with my LLW of 113.9 and divided by 2 and get 115.75. I'm thinking I'll grab that as my "norm" and go from there. No steak day today. Oh, and I failed to mention that I fell into chocolate last night. I am progressively nervous about the surgery and was going for the wine too often so I thought if I had something sweet, I'd stop drinking. It worked. I doubt the gain was from that but from the sodium in the pizza.

I have nothing of any great importance to say. I'm trying to stay busy (which isn't hard to do with in-laws and Christmas coming and needing to prepare for that) so I can keep my mind off of the surgery. I have massive cleaning to do, especially in my daughter's room which literally looks like it was hit by an earthquake, as well as scrubbing the bathrooms to within an inch of their lives. I need to make sure all the finances are in shape. I need to wrap presents as I won't feel like doing that after surgery. Lots and lots and lots to do, thank GOD.

I bought several outfits from Costco yesterday that had zip fronts since I won't be able to pull tops over my head for awhile. I totally spaced that until they mentioned it at yesterdays appointment.

Here I am in my surgery day outfit:

It's nothing I would have ever picked out for myself but I LOVE it.

Okay guys, thanks for listening. I am so lucky to have you.

Edited to add...

Here is the ad for the place I'm going. The tree in the background is my doctor.

Steak day success! 115.4 (115.1 on suck up). Pre-op appointment!!

Helloooooo! I had my pre-op appointment today. Talk about nerve wracking! I know these jitters are normal but I'm telling you, I'm flipping out! I know this sounds nutty, but remember when I told you that I see 11:11 (I didn't realize until today I had my first appointment with the surgeon on 11/11)at least once a day and how I used to see Harley Davidson's and then Fed Ex, and now it's the Audi brand? Well, I've come to find comfort in seeing that brand (as well as the 11:11 - I consider that a hug from the Universe to me). I may be driving along and start to think about what I am about to go through, panic, look over and there is an Audi. It always makes me smile and I instantly feel better. I know, I know, it sounds crazy. I saw 12 Audi's today. This is not a popular brand in my state.

They took my "before" pictures. I signed a ginormous pile of papers stating anything and everything could go wrong and I acknowledge that. I'll never forget this one: "Death is the ultimate complication from surgery." Um, really? EEFRIGGINGADS!

My Doctor is a tree. He could easily be 7 feet tall. I don't know why, but I find this comforting. He's very easy to talk to and so understanding. I told him how scared I was and he said he'd worry if I weren't. Hmmm, maybe that isn't a comfort after all!

He's been so open minded. He'd never heard of a thermagram but was 100% behind me doing that instead of a mammogram if that was what my physician recommended.  I shared with him this article and he's looking into that as a possibility as well, so long as there's science to back it. In the mean time, I've upped my vitamin C intake.

Here's my thermagram:

See why self exams made me nutty??? My results for both were TH-2F (click for full size):

I'm off to go catch up with you guys. Christy in Seattle has a fascinating post that I got half way through before the line to pick up the kids moved and I was interrupted. Hope the rest of you updated as well!

*HUGS*

Day 9 - fell into the very salty beef jerky last night - 117.6!

Technically, I am AT my LDW so I don't NEED to do a steak day, however I seem to be stabilizing right around 115 which I am very comfortable with, and since I thawed a steak for after my "free" day, I may as well. It's going to be extremely busy for me today as is so I'll take advantage of that.

I received a faxed copy of my thermagram. Now I understand why a 2 and not a 1. I have lumpy breasts. I always have, hence why I got the thermagram in the first place so the doctor would feel comfortable operating. The report basically says I have lumpy breasts consistent with being estrogen dominant and that they are nothing to worry about. I now have a baseline to compare it to. This is a great comfort to me since doing self exams has been very hard. For me, I have to make sure the lumps are symmetrical. It's very nerve wracking to say the least!

I tried to pay the remainder of the balance over the phone with my debit card but it gave them an error. Bless Chase bank! GAH. So, now I need to go to the bank and get a cashier's check for the remainder, but it turns out that gives me an extra discount so it's all good! I'm going to go put on my face and take care of that next, along with some errands. Wish me luck. The roads are icy!

Hope you're doing GREAT!

Day 8 on P4 - 115.4 Yea, baby!

I knew I'd gain. Question was, how much and would I need a steak day? Answer, .9 and NO! I'm thrilled.

I've been super busy. You're not going to believe this but I picked up ANOTHER buyer! One of my tenants. To have this much activity this time of year is crazy. I am beyond thrilled. Of course nothing can really happen until after the holidays. I'm having my surgery a week from tomorrow! EEEEEEK! So, I delivered a box of chocolates to them for the holidays (from See's - they always hand out free samples and I've always saved them for my husband... not today! All mine).

I called the thermagram people again as I have yet to get my results. They should be in my mail anytime, but she assured me she'd fax the results if need be so I can have that ready for my pre-op appointment. I am hoping that had there been anything suspicious they'd be calling me rather than mailing the results.

UPDATE! I just heard from the thermagram people. They just got the report and will fax it to me tomorrow as well as send a hard copy. There is apparently a scale of 1-5, 1 being absolutely shiny clean and 5 being there is an issue we need to look into further. She said my report came in clean and I was a 2 (of course I am wondering why not a 1!). This gives us a great baseline for years to come to be able to scan for cancer and implants have zero effect on the scans, unlike with mammograms. I'm clean! Woohoo!

I have so much cleaning and organizing I need to do before my in-laws are here on Sunday. I wish the rest of my family felt the sense of urgency that I do - I could use the help!

I'll keep this short and sweet (like me - tee hee). Hope you're doing well! Y'all have been so quiet today on your blogs! C'mon, people! :)

Me and Sister Dottie D.!