Rough

Hi sweets,

120.9 today. I expect more tomorrow as I had spaghetti for dinner.

Well, today wasn't easy. It actually started last night when my daughter couldn't stop throwing up. This continued into today. Fortunately, we seem to have hit a pause as of 2 this afternoon.

Emotionally it's been hard as well. My parents' old home, which I can see from my living room windows and back yard, went on the market 11 days ago. Today, the power was turned on. Right now as I type this, I can see their lights on and a couple have been there, I'm assuming the agent and her husband, cleaning up the yard, etc., etc.

It wasn't so bad until the back porch lights went on. I remember my mom putting them up; a string of lights all around the overhang. Seeing them on tonight flicked a switch on in me that opened up a flood of sorrow. It pains me to see their home no longer their home.

I know I should feel relief that the home will finally have a chance to be loved again. Letting go of memories of Easter, Thanksgiving, Sundays with champagne and tarot readings, my kids in their backyard playing, watching the inauguration and us all crying tears of joy, sleepovers for the kids, etc., etc is hard. It's really hard. I'd finally sort of gotten used to seeing it cold, empty, and dark. Now to see the lights on again and knowing nothing about those who turned them on is really painful. I know it sounds ridiculous. It is. When you think of the horrors others are experiencing right now... but it still hurts. I miss my mommy.