Thursday, April 15, 2010

Yikes. Am I broken?

I am so much higher than I am comfortable admitting. I'm still in the 120s... barely. I feel bloated, uncomfortable, and worried. My jeans are so tight.

I have 15 days before my next round, one which I'd so hoped would be a reshaping round, not a round that I actually needed. I also have 15 days before our annual Queen's Day party, one of my load days, that I'd hoped to be looking sexy and svelte while celebrating.

I'd been doing okay so long as I ate super clean P3 style, but I thought this week it seemed insane to be avoiding meals with my family and eating so much chicken, since a round is right around the corner, and I'll be SO limited then. Am I broken??

I did determine the pilates may have been too intense for a tummy that had been operated on, especially since it wasn't complication free. I will stick with yoga and walking a tad longer before I add the pilates back in.

Thank goodness for HCG. At least I have that. I want this next round to be flawless.

Off to check in on you all...


Jen Payne said...

I can't think of anyone I know that weighs in the 120's or even 130's that isn't sexy and svelte!! Don't be so hard on yourself. My LIW was 144.4 this last round and I seem to be around 149.4 now. That 5 pounds is almost half of what I lost! In my post yesterday I was realizing that I did not want to get into an HCG "loop" that resembled my previous yo-yo years. Lose weight, then slowly regain, the diet and lose again. And with workouts and normal life the scale moves around. It never fails that when I wake up and look in the mirror and am thinking I look great, I must be down today.... the scale is up!! And then I am mad and start thinking I look bad. That right there is the definition of insanity :) It is nice to know HCG is always there if things get out of hand, but I also don't want it to become a crutch for life :) I hope this next round is good to you and that you finally have the balance you are searching for. You deserve it.

helderheid said...

Thanks, Jen. You're so right. SO right. If my clothes weren't so tight I'd be less concerned. I know I undid my last round between my down time, the holidays, and the complications. I know I need a "re-do". Ideally, I'd like to release what has crept up, and be strong enough to incorporate any exercise I want, along with balanced nutrition (though with my thyroid issues, I will always have to watch the carbs to some extent).

My height has me less than svelte at this weight, but the good thing about this height is knocking of just a few pounds makes the world of difference in sveltedom. :)

Thanks for the encouragement. I've been distraught and embarrassed, but realized I needed to talk about it and move forward.

You inspire me!

nikkispower said...

Nope not about breaking in? Seriously though it seems that those last few pounds are always the hardest to lose as well as maintain. You're doing great. Maybe you won't be as swelte as you want(although it seems the girls would argue that point! lol) but with time and patience you will be! Although we lose a lot of weight on HCG it still is a bit of slow and steady losing. There will be plenty of events where you'll get to display the hard work you've done on yourself! The rest of your life! You go gurl!

helderheid said...

Thank you Nikki! By the way, your new picture is absolutely stunning. You are GORGEOUS!!

helderheid said...

OH, I forgot to mention that at this height, I am officially back to being overweight with the number on the scale... I shall not panic. I am happy and relaxed... letting goooo.... :)

lavenderdiva said...

oh dear- I think you may still be down in spirit today. May I just say that there in no way in the world that anyone would look at you and think 'overweight'! Yes, I know your clothes may be a bit tighter than you would like, but you are SO close to what you want, probably like 10-15lbs close. That's close!

You went through ALOT after your last round: with your surgery, its complications, your brother dying, and some family stuff. Be gentle with you. If any one of us (your fellow hcg bloggers) had gained a little after a round, you would be the first to encourage us and lift us up! Its hard, but you must learn to show yourself the same compassion and kindness. You are very hard on yourself; no one else would treat you that way. You are moving in the right direction, and will get the shape/weight that is best for you.

I'm sure you are going to get some really lovely compliments at your party, on the beautiful shape that you NOW have.

Let this next round be what it will be. You will lose weight and feel better than you do now. And if you need to address any lbs in the future, you can always do the hcg again. You know what to do about it, which is more than most people. They are still trying low-fat diets! You're waaaayyyy ahead of the game!!

love, love, love to you....

Christy in Seattle said...

Hang in there. Stressing about it only makes it worse. You might want to consider getting or renting a bodybugg to see how many calories you're burning in a day. It can really help!