Sunday, February 28, 2010

What a trip

Hello, hello.

My last post truly displayed just how totally exhausted I am! Eegads.

Okay, so I made this trip for the memorial, but also to help my sister get started on HCG. While out here, my parents had an interview in Seaside, 90 minutes from Portland, last Tuesday. The kids and I drove to meet them there and then to cruise down the coast another 6 hours to where they had been living and working. They got word that they were hired for the new position in Seaside the following day so we spent 2 days packing their home. Not much time! My parents are amazing that way.

While there, I got a call from one of my previous client's mom. She and her husband are ready to make an offer on a home they found! Thank goodness for great clients and modern technology!! I have the papers put together.

Yesterday we drove back up the coast to Seaside. My GOD, it was gorgeous. The sun was shining almost the entire trip and it was absolutely spectacular.

We're at a hotel where the kids can swim. We're about to do that and then start the very long trek home. 13.5 more hours on the road... Maybe I can get a grip on the crap food this side of the trip! Gah!

Friday, February 26, 2010


I am so behind. I am also completely clueless as to where I am weight wise. I did pack my scale but failed to use it. I've not been writing down what I eat, and I've been eating on a daily basis things I would normally leave as a special treat. My 6s feel awfully comfy, but I was able to wear my 4s yesterday so I'm sure all is not lost. I will do a steak day when I get home and weigh in the following day and then it is CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN for 3 weeks until I get my after pictures taken.

After visiting with my sister, her wasband and her oldest, and getting her set up on HCG, I went to the coast to visit my parents. They got a new job Friday 6 hours away from a job in Seaside. GAH! Will do my best. I have so much more to share on my experience but I'm SO tired.

I'm so tired I'm that off!

Sunday, February 21, 2010

very quick update and a funny

Today was my brother's memorial. It really was more of a wake than a memorial.

It's late and I hesitate writing tonight except that I need to.

I didn't know him. I felt weird when I cried when hearing the news that the plane he was in had crashed and he died. I last saw him when I was 11. He was 14 years older than me. My last memory of him was him putting a lampshade on his head when he came to visit in an attempt to trick my father when he came home from work. It was a funny moment and I will never forget it, but for that to be my last memory of a man who apparently was an amazing man is an absolute shame.

I was fine all evening.

I was fine until a stranger - much like my brother was - the mother of the woman who was engaged to him and had been with him the last 3 years - hugged me. She hugged me and said, "Sorry".

I lost it.

I feel so stupid for crying. This woman consoling ME had more experience, love, and history with him than I ever did, and I was crying.

I mourn I didn't know him. I vow I will not only make sure to tell my family I love them, I vow to know them. I vow to know my other 2 brothers, Paul and Joe. 2 people I don't know enough. Torn apart by age and divorce. I don't want to regret not knowing them fully. Not loving them fully.

I need to move here.

Streaming Qwest French Class At Videos

Saturday, February 20, 2010

On the road again...

Hey! Just a quick note on the road.

Ladies, I HAVE to share with you that I am listening to the most EXCELLENT book on CD - "The Help" I would suggest you at least read it, but even better listen to the unabridged version on CD as each character has their own voice and the accents are wonderful.  It's absolutely riveting!

I forgot to bring my scale up to the room, but I feel lighter so I think I've released some more and am closer to my goal. I'll keep it clean and not "fall into" anything (though I am going to dinner with my family tonight to celebrate my natural father's birthday).

I am SICK!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! Extra D3, Zinc, and C. Wish I had some coconut oil. I may need to pick some up.

Virtual hugs! Fortunately that won't get you sick.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Quick note!

Down another pound. YES! I suspect the weight was TOM related. So, 123.5 today, girls included. I'm hoping to lose some more on the road. I have a goal of 119 by March 17 which is when I go in for "after" photos. With the girls, that's more like 117 which is about where I was when I went into surgery.

I'm racing to get out of here - I'll check in later!


Thursday, February 18, 2010

Hooray, the right direction FINALLY

1.5 drop. YES. Today is another low carb day (though not enough water - I'll work on that - busy showing homes). I'm still 5.5 - 6 pounds higher than I should be and a full 8 or so higher than I want to be. I'm just really hoping some of this weight is flukey. Good news, after having had 55 pounds to lose, 5.5 doesn't sound so intimidating!

You asked about the Apple and Cheese day. Here it is:


Eating apples and cheese should do the same thing as a Steak Day or a Steak and Cheese Day, but without the cost of the steak. 

Test Parameters

Eat three meals.  Each meal consists of 2 apples and 2 ounces of cheese.  Drink lots of water.


3.2# loss for myself.  Weight release ranges between 2 to 4 pounds, for each of the people testing with me. 


Eating apples and cheese consistently produces results better than a Steak Day or a Steak and Cheese Day, but without the cost of the steak.

Tomorrow I'll take off on my trip. I'll report in but not as often.

I hope you're all great and I'll try to stay caught up!

Hearts to you!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Up another half pound.

Nothing to do but keep on keeping on.

I haven't been weighing on "suck up" so I decided to check to see if maybe there was a problem with the scale (though I knew there wasn't as my 4s are tight ). On the way to that scale which is in my kids' bathroom, I tripped over our German Shepherd and hit my head on the wall. GAH! Nice big fat goose egg above my right eye. Niiiice! Suck up had me a half pound less, which is typical.

I got a call this morning that my brother's memorial is Sunday. I've rescheduled a class I had and will be taking off after the kids are out of school.

Not much to say. I'm perplexed by the weight. I'm off to exercise!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Day 1 of exercise

Thank you guys so much for all the support from my last post.

I think a large part of the frustration is that my husband and I used to make a lot of time for one another before the kids were born. We never really got into a routine of that again. We'll adjust.

So, I ate cleaaaaaaaaaaaan yesterday. Went from 125 to 125.3. What. The. Hell. Are my thyroid meds placebos?? Drank water and tea... I don't know what the problem is, but I will not let it get to me, nor will I throw my hands up and give up. I am going to follow Lavenderdiva's lead and will try a protein edema day. I have a steak for my lunch and rather than eggs as I am out, will have chicken breast. I'll keep pounding the water. Wish I could find more of that Slim Green Yogi Tea. I've been looking but can't find it anywhere.

I'm going to start yoga again today, albeit slowly. Yesterday marked 2 months post op. I feel great. I am SO glad I had the surgery done. Having a flat tummy is incredible! I love how my clothes are fitting (though I'm up in my 6s again but will get back to my 4s tout de suite).

Speaking of working out... I should be doing that now so... off I go.

Good luck to all of you doing steak/protein days today!

Edited to add...

Just got through the 15 minute workout on the Shape Up DVD - wow!!! That felt GREAT! I'll do this the rest of the week and then try the 30 minute one. Less stress than the yoga was on my body!

Monday, February 15, 2010

Out of control

Ugh. My eating/drinking has just gotten out of control! I suspect it's a combination of stress and candida. I have 1 more day of antibiotics. I am now taking pro-biotics and a supplement that is supposed to help combat yeast overgrowth. I hope that I can kill those little buggers off.

125 this morning. Yes, some of that is implant weight but even so, that would still have me right around LDW for round 2. Round 3 LDW is a good 5.5 pounds away.

Sorry to bitch about this but it just bugs me.

I realized this morning that the surgery center will be taking "after" pictures on the 17th of next month. 30 days from now. Perhaps if I could really do what I said I was going to do (eat clean and start yoga tomorrow), maaaaybe I can get close to within 2 pounds of my LDW of round 3. It will mean me getting a grip.

Our night away was not stress free. My husband bitched the entire time about how miserable he was. How he hated hotels. How it was a stupid idea. I made it really clear to him he could leave anytime and that I didn't appreciate him calling my idea stupid. It was awful. The kids had a great time, but I drowned my sorrows in nachos and wine. I didn't even bother weighing in the next 2 days.

The good news is the next day he took the kids aside and apologized to them, and then did the same to me. Totally sincere. He really got that his behavior was childish and hideous. I thanked him for saying so. I'm really not sure what inspired his behavior that night. Regardless, it upset me deeply. I need adventure - even if that means driving 20 minutes to stay at a hotel and watch my kids swim. I need spontaneity. We used to have that. I'm confident we can have that again, but it will take both of us to make that happen.

 "For a relationship to stay alive, love alone is not enough. Without imagination, love stales into sentiment, duty, boredom. Relationships fail not because we have stopped loving but because we first stopped imagining. - James Hillman

I've mentioned before that for the longest time it's felt like I've been sleepwalking through my life. I've come out of a coma. Awake, I see that my husband has fallen into that same deep sleep. I see him stirring, but I don't think he's fully aware of how stagnant his life has become as well. I so want to shake him awake and start a wonderful new adventure with him.

I've never experienced another relationship with the depth of love that I have for him.  It is immeasurable. Our connection is so solid. That is a wonderful comfort.

In other news, my parents turned down the position that was 3 hours from here, and quite frankly, part of me is very relieved. It would have them living in a 600 square foot fully furnished home. No room for their offices, their bird, or the cat box, and totally remote. The same day, they were contacted by another person about a position in Seaside, OR - about an hour out of Portland. The position they described sounds absolutely IDEAL. I am so hoping they get it. Either way, I'll be throwing the kids in the car soon and going out to visit, stopping in Portland to help my sister learn how to mix and dose with HCG. I am so excited for her!

Okay, well this has just gone on long enough, eh? I'll close it for now. Virtual hugs and smiles your way!

Friday, February 12, 2010

Happy Valentine's Weekend, Lovies!

I wish you all a very lovey dovey weekend full of sweet treats - even the sugar free kind and especially the huggy snuggle kind!

My weight is a mystery. After my little "episode" with the tea, I was down .6 pounds. Less than I'd expected, actually! I mean really... anyway. Yesterday the opposite effect afflicted me. I swung totally in the other direction. I didn't eat that much (was sucked into a game), drank plenty of water and am up 1.2 pounds today. I weighed in at 123.3 (.1 under LDW from round 2, however I have to take into account a couple pounds for the new additions, so more like 121ish). I think I have PMS. I went shopping with a girlfriend last night for V-day treats for the family and pretty much grabbed anything with dark chocolate in it. I'm totally craving it right now. I haven't opened any of it, but definitely want to!

I go back and forth about what I should do. Do I try to get back to my LDW (not the LLW, but true LDW) from R3 of 117.6 (119.6 give or take with the implants), or do I relax, eat clean and at least maintain until I do a 4th round? I'll tell you what, I hate being obsessed with it. Old habits die hard. I'd love to relax. 

I need reminding too that I am STILL healing. It will be another 4 months before my body will be totally mended. I've got to do what it takes to support it while it does. Crazy dieting is not what it needs now. 

I had planned on starting yoga (again) on Monday. That will mark 2 months post op, however I think I may postpone it until I'm done with the antibiotics and am sure the infection is gone. It's looking so much better. The side where the stitch came out now is hardly visible - the incision is razor thin. The other side is still puckered looking but now I know that's the stitch making it look like that and when it either dissolves or comes out, that scar too will smooth. So much nicer than my c-section/hysterectomy scars. 

Tonight the family and I are going to the Embassy Suites. Our kids will play while we watch and sip on a cocktail. A little mini-vacation. Tomorrow we're having lunch with one of my best friends and her husband (one of my husband's best friends - they met at our wedding) who are in from Switzerland. I'm so looking forward to that!

Wow, I've babbled. Thanks for listening, if you made it this far (and wouldn't blame you if you didn't!)!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Many diet teas, including Super Dieter's Tea, contain Senna, which works as a mild laxative, inducing abdominal cramping and frequent bowel movements.

Lovies. I had great success with a tea called Slim Green which was a green tea plus a mild diuretic. Given I knew most of the excess weight was water, I bought Super Dieter's Tea thinking it would have the same effect.

I've been in the bathroom 5 times in the last hour and it had NOTHING to do with water release. Oh. MY. GOD. Senna! The same stuff in Smooth Move tea! Holy hell, ladies! I had NO idea. I didn't read the ingredients; I simply assumed. 4 cups later...

The steak day did release 1.1 pound. I am between R2 and R3 weight. Fortunately, that's a healthy weight so no complaints.

Speaking of complaints, my husband wants to see me in more V-necks since the operation. I didn't own any so off to TJ-MAXX I went...

Thanks again for all the support! I cherish your kind words!!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Petite update

The steak day was ruined when I found chocolate covered espresso beans. What was I thinking? I have enough steak left over to try again today. Sheesh.

The boy's fever broke but I have him home one more day to make sure his immune system is as strong as possible before going back to school.

I met with the physician's assistant this morning to look at my infected incision. She said I was "throwing a stitch" and she'd have to pull it out. What a weird sensation that was! About 7 inches of stitch came out. She said I should heal a lot more smoothly on my tummy now that it was out, and that it accounted for the swelling I had (hoping that also accounts for some of the extra weight - I know it can't be THAT much, but still). She sent me away with a prescription for antibiotics. I need to pick up more pro-biotics. My poor tummy. Anyway, hopefully this will be the last of the surgery drama (please oh please)!

I got a call from my mom this morning. She and my father applied for a position about 3 hours from here. There were apparently 75 applicants. They got the job! They'll be moving this way in a month. I can hardly believe it!

You guys really are the best. I love the support you give me and appreciate each and every one of you!

**HUGS **

Monday, February 8, 2010

Sunday, February 7, 2010

1.7 loss from the steak day

I. Love. That.

Just reporting in. I may need another super clean day tomorrow as today I had brunch with a friend and mimosas were had. Not worried about the champagne, but I honestly cannot remember the last time I had OJ. Oh, and bacon and cashews were had... and certainly not enough water. Trying to rectify that now but it's late. :)

Excited about the losses Liz and LD reported! WOOT WOOT!

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Sorry about that...

... definitely had a melancholy moment there. Thanks for all the kind words and support.

My daughter isn't throwing up anymore so that's a huge step in the right direction. As far as the sadness with my parents' old home, I've asked my son to help me figure out how to take the gate out in between our yards and to simply make it a fence again (we had a gate put in so we could simply visit via our back yards). I think once there is less access it may make it more final. LD, I love the idea that perhaps new friends are on the way who will love it as much as my parents and I have. Perhaps I'll light a candle and send a wish to the Universe for that.

THOSE DANGED CHICKEN CHEESE SPINACH BALLS!!! Last time I ate them I was up 2.2 the next day. I had them yesterday and am up 2.4 today! Eegads. At least I know I didn't eat an extra 10,500 calories and this is water. Even so, I went to find some slacks for when I go show homes today. I apparently returned the 4s I bought before and only have 6s. I thought that with the gain perhaps they'd fit. No go. They fall off of me. Oh what a problem to have! Screw the number on the scale. ;) 

That said, any petite people wearing 6s out there? Otherwise I need to sell these on ebay. I definitely need to go shopping. I'll wear my corduroys today.

Thanks all y'all. I am wondering if I have PMS or something given how emotional I was yesterday. Regardless, it's a wonderful feeling knowing you're all "out there" with kind words of support. Means so much!

Friday, February 5, 2010


Hi sweets,

120.9 today. I expect more tomorrow as I had spaghetti for dinner.

Well, today wasn't easy. It actually started last night when my daughter couldn't stop throwing up. This continued into today. Fortunately, we seem to have hit a pause as of 2 this afternoon.

Emotionally it's been hard as well. My parents' old home, which I can see from my living room windows and back yard, went on the market 11 days ago. Today, the power was turned on. Right now as I type this, I can see their lights on and a couple have been there, I'm assuming the agent and her husband, cleaning up the yard, etc., etc.

It wasn't so bad until the back porch lights went on. I remember my mom putting them up; a string of lights all around the overhang. Seeing them on tonight flicked a switch on in me that opened up a flood of sorrow. It pains me to see their home no longer their home.

I know I should feel relief that the home will finally have a chance to be loved again. Letting go of memories of Easter, Thanksgiving, Sundays with champagne and tarot readings, my kids in their backyard playing, watching the inauguration and us all crying tears of joy, sleepovers for the kids, etc., etc is hard. It's really hard. I'd finally sort of gotten used to seeing it cold, empty, and dark. Now to see the lights on again and knowing nothing about those who turned them on is really painful. I know it sounds ridiculous. It is. When you think of the horrors others are experiencing right now... but it still hurts. I miss my mommy.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Hey darlings

I was at 120.6 yesterday. 121.3 (I fell into some chocolate and salt - could it be my TOM??) today. I'm totally not stressed. Size 4, flat as a table tummy, and still a healthy BMI. Add to that I know I'll be doing another round. So long as I don't gain, hovering at around 120 is perfectly fine with me. I know without my breasts I'd be in the 100 teens. Meh. It's a nice feeling to relax.

I've been processing a lot which I'm sure is why I've been exhausted (couple that with being out of my thyroid meds for the last 4 days - the Armour is back at my pharmacy!).

I've been struggling with my weight for 8 1/2 years. To suddenly not be struggling has left me a little lost. Talk about having to break a habit. It was so a part of my identity for so long.

I want my husband to touch my stomach. For years I pushed his hands away when he tried because I hated my stomach. I hated how it felt. Adjusting to this new body is a trip. I need to train him to let his hands go there again.

I know I'll adjust. It's just a lot to process after struggling for so long and now finding myself in love with this body. I think too because the HCG is so dramatic so fast and then surgery - it's just it wasn't a slow process. My mind and emotions really need to catch up.

On another note, my sister wants to try this. I am so incredibly excited for her and will help her every step of the way. I just hope she's in that place you need to be in order to work the protocol. She works at a winery, for heaven's sake!

Thanks again for being on this journey with me. I have some plans for my next step and I'm excited to share them with you when I'm a little closer to that. I am off to read your updates! :)

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

121 - lowest since I started weighing again

I've pretty much decided I'm doing another round. This one will be like Autumn Rose's reshaping round. I've also  decided once a year I'll do a round for detox purposes.

It's been a hell of a day (or 2). A very good friend of mine was in crisis with her fiance and I ended up with her and her girls last night. I'm happy to help, but I am extremely empathic so it really beat me up and sucked me dry emotionally. I'm going to need a few days to recover. My husband did tell me after I'd counseled both she and her fiance that I went all "Dr. Phill on their asses" and was fairly impressed. :)With that, my job at PDA, my real estate/property management job and a kid home sick, I am totally exhausted.

So here's what's for dinner:


Sorry P2ers... Soon though.... SOON... P3 friendly!

Thanks for the comments, all of you. Your words spoke to my condition.

Love you and off to check your blogs (if you have one)!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Thanks for all the birthday wishes! I've missed you guys.

I'm finally caught up on my blogs. I pretty much celebrated my birthday since Thursday. I am determined now to put my head down and get work done. It's the first of the month so I have property management duties I must get to. I am also expecting to hear back on an offer I submitted for my client on Friday. So there's that. then there are the bills. I must pay the bills. I need to pick up my thyroid medication and I need to return some shoes. I am no longer a 6.5 but a 6 after all the weight loss. I bought these for my birthday and now I need them in a 6.

I don't know if it's the stars or not, but I'm feeling totally discombobulated lately. I miss my mom so much and find myself not wanting to do anything but snuggle with my husband and kids. I'm restless. I don't feel all that hot. I think I still have a candida issue. I need to do something. I am absolutely desperate for balance like someone with their head on fire is desperate to find a lake.

I know I'd feel better if I started yoga. I'm just afraid. I over did it when I tried last time. I still feel puffy around my belly. I'm thinking maybe I'll make an appointment to see my surgeon. Last time I saw him, he offered to numb a spot where the stitch is trying to come out on my hip and pull it out. I didn't want one more thing done to me and opted to let it either work its way out on its own, or to dissolve and soften. Neither is happening and it hurts when anything rubs on it, like my jeans. So, I think I may go back and have him take care of it and at the same time, get his opinion on my belly and whether or not he thinks it's overly swollen. It looks flat, but when I lay on my back, I can make it do that water bed thing.

Sorry to have babbled I guess I just needed to organize my thoughts. I'm off to make a list of to dos and will thoroughly enjoy marking them ta done!

Have a wonderful day!