Thursday, February 4, 2010

Hey darlings

I was at 120.6 yesterday. 121.3 (I fell into some chocolate and salt - could it be my TOM??) today. I'm totally not stressed. Size 4, flat as a table tummy, and still a healthy BMI. Add to that I know I'll be doing another round. So long as I don't gain, hovering at around 120 is perfectly fine with me. I know without my breasts I'd be in the 100 teens. Meh. It's a nice feeling to relax.

I've been processing a lot which I'm sure is why I've been exhausted (couple that with being out of my thyroid meds for the last 4 days - the Armour is back at my pharmacy!).

I've been struggling with my weight for 8 1/2 years. To suddenly not be struggling has left me a little lost. Talk about having to break a habit. It was so a part of my identity for so long.

I want my husband to touch my stomach. For years I pushed his hands away when he tried because I hated my stomach. I hated how it felt. Adjusting to this new body is a trip. I need to train him to let his hands go there again.

I know I'll adjust. It's just a lot to process after struggling for so long and now finding myself in love with this body. I think too because the HCG is so dramatic so fast and then surgery - it's just it wasn't a slow process. My mind and emotions really need to catch up.

On another note, my sister wants to try this. I am so incredibly excited for her and will help her every step of the way. I just hope she's in that place you need to be in order to work the protocol. She works at a winery, for heaven's sake!

Thanks again for being on this journey with me. I have some plans for my next step and I'm excited to share them with you when I'm a little closer to that. I am off to read your updates! :)


lavenderdiva said...

You and your husband are getting used to the 'new you'! I'm so glad to hear you are loving your new shape- You've worked hard to get it, and for a long time too!

You sound like you have a lot going on, but it all seems good. I'm so glad to hear you are in a happy place in your life! So much good is coming your way...

love to you.

Anonymous said...

It sounds like you're dealing with a lot behind the blogging scenes but you seem to be emotionally in a good place. Kudos to you! Keep it up! It's very inspiring to read your post this morning because I'm not having such a great start to this dreary, cold and rainy Friday.

Holistic Health Coach-Tri Mom said...

Kudos to you. I cant wait to get to my goal.

I know what you mean about having this new body...I'm only down 20 lbs, but my belly is flat, my butt has smoothed out, and I feel really good. My husband has lost about the same as me (of course without trying), and it is so funny: strange that we fit together better when we spoon, and we both are hesitant and excited to explore these new bodies. All in one month...I cant wait (and am scared too) about what will happen in the upcoming months...

Beaker said...

How great that you're in a place where you can relax about your weight. If I had a flat stomach, I wouldn't worry either. Plus you have a plan for the future.

I am so with you on the husband's hands. I hate when my husband touches my stomach. But in my case, he wouldn't let himself be trained. He loves my stomach. He calls it part of my sexy curves. So I had to train myself not to flinch when he does.

I'm thrilled for you.

On another note, I laugh every time I get your content warning. When I came back here last week and saw it the warning for the first time, I said WHAT? Then I said, it's Clarity. She won't put anything too bad on her blog. Then I saw what it was and understood.

Jen Payne said...

You are in such a great place right now!! My husband also is loving the new additions :) I know exactly what you mean about not being used to the new you. I think I have been doing the weight loss thing for the last 17 years and can't believe how much of my time, life and emotions have been so wrapped up into it. I find myself thinking "what am I going to do with myself now?" Final round starts tomorrow. Conflicted about that, but lets get it done already!! Wish you were doing it with me, but then you would completely disappear when you turn sideways!! ;) - Jen