Thursday, December 31, 2009

What a New Year's Eve!

I love my friend. Not only did she make sure the kids were entertained, she took me to the office and isn't grossed out so she sat there with me while they worked on me. It was mostly painless, with the exception of a sting here and there. The drain is smaller than the last and they assure me it is SO much less traumatic getting it out than the others. While he was at it, he checked a stitch on one of my nipples that had apparently gotten infected. It should had been gone so he removed that as well. It was such a relief to have it done, as well as the fact that they didn't hurt me. My friend booked a consultation with them right afterwards. :)

So, my friend is off to gather supplies to make a collage. I did mine at Thanksgiving but New Year's Eve is most appropriate for doing a yearly collage (and when I normally do it but with my mom and sister away, we do it when we can be together). Turns out she's looking West too - to Astoria, Oregon!

My husband had a WONDERFUL evening with my sister, her son and her wasband last night eating fondu and drinking beer at their house. I am so glad he had that experience!

He's on his way home now. I can't wait to see him!

I had dreaded today but it's turning into a really great New Year's Eve. I'm feeling grateful and calm, and glad (even though I think he's a great guy) that I don't have to see my doctor EVERY day! :D

HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of my friends here! *HUGS*


Better than Xanax. I had forgotten I had a bottle for my fear of flying. We went to Holland a few years back and my wonderful doctor prescribed them for the flight. Speaking of flights, I'm flyyyyiiinnnggg! WEEEEEEEEE!

My friend is coming over to pick up the kids and drop them at her place for a play date and then coming back to take me to my appointment. I still get little pangs of nerves, but this drug is wonderful. It should wear off in time for some New Year's Eve cheer too. :)

I really appreciate you guys holding my hand and offering help. And for you local readers, I'm anxious to get together in person someday!

TooooOOOooodle looooOOOOoooo

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

How appropriate...

My horoscope, specifically about tomorrow (and by the way, I texted my doctor and they will numb me before doing the drains and I can take an anxiety pill if I have a ride):

The month's end brings dramatic, possibly jarring news at the full moon lunar eclipse, December 31. This full moon will bring either a health or work-related matter of yours to culmination. A full moon will crystallize an ongoing situation by clarifying certain information so that you can decide what to do. Often eclipses bring news from the outside in, bringing events over which you have no control that will change the way you view a situation. The universe does this to keep us moving, so be philosophical about whatever you hear.

If a health problem should come up, you are fortunate in that Pluto is currently touring your twelfth house, giving you access to distinguished medical advice. Your powers of regeneration will be very high, so stay optimistic. If you don't feel your doctor or therapist understands your condition, keep searching - the right one can be found.

At work, a trusted subordinate may suddenly announce a departure. While you may be sad to see her go, it's all part of the ever-moving wheel of life. You will find a replacement in the New Year, and your new recruit will have different, but very valuable talents to offer - some that will truly delight you.

I'm an Aquarius, by the way.

Love to you and thanks for the support!

I did it.

While I was upstairs opening the blinds in my daughter's room, I looked out to see my parents' old home. I burst into tears.  I've been feeling overly emotional lately but this really just set me off. So I did it.

I texted my husband (I don't feel comfortable calling when he's at the Portland office) and told him that if he was offered a position there to not turn it down but to seriously consider it. I don't know why I've been so afraid to simply put it out there. We've talked since, but not seriously - he made jokes about how he couldn't wait to get back to Utah, but knowing him, it was to keep things light and funny. I'm just glad he knows now what I want.

He's having drinks tonight with my sister and her wasband. I hope they have a great time!

So I fear this experiment with the antibiotics didn't work. I'm totally distended now. It's bad and beyond uncomfortable. I've tried reaching friends to see if I could get some help to get to the doctor but can reach no one. I know he lives in the same town as I do so I just texted him asking if he ever makes house calls and explained the situation. Hopefully I'll hear back soon. It's all I can do not to panic right now over this situation!

Hope you're all well!


He just left. This isn't resolving so he's going to put another drain in. :( He said it will be less a pain than the other drains but I will INSIST on a pain pill for when they pull it out!!!! That and xanax.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Another real quick update

Thank goodness for good friends. I had a friend (her son actually had a couple operations done by Dr. Warnock, my doctor) who drove me to the office today and watched my kids while I went in. It's snowing so this gave me a great relief as I HATE to drive on icy roads and was worried I might have to jerk around if I hit ice. Not good for the recovery.

My doctor was in surgery so I met with the PA (who is a doll). Today, if I managed less than 15 cc I could simply go on my marry way and not receive the anti-biotic. No such luck, however. 35 cc. SO, she shot the antibiotic in. Apparently a side effect is that it irritates the lining of the pocket that keeps filling with fluid and because of that, a side effect is that the lining (hopefully) will stick to the other lining, eliminating the space for the fluid to build up. She's very hopeful this will take care of it. I feel it "burning" right now. She wanted me back tomorrow, however there is another storm (a bigger one) coming and I have no help. My husband flies out tonight to meet with the big boss in Portland and won't be back until Thursday. SO, I go in Thursday instead. HOPEFULLY this last thing will have taken care of it all and I'll have good news to report. Most appropriate as it will be a full eclipse (blue moon!) and a time for resolution.

Thanks again for the positive vibes! You guys are the best! I'm off to catch up with you. :)

Monday, December 28, 2009

Super quick update.

Okay, he drained me again. 55 ccs this time, but over 2 days time. It's getting better, though he wants me back tomorrow. At least he hasn't mentioned another drain or more surgery again! He did mention perhaps adding an antibiotic in after the draining tomorrow. I'm REALLY getting to know this guy!

He looked me over past that and thinks I'm healing beautifully. Always nice to hear!!

I really don't have mush to share. I'm exhausted. I normally awaken at 4 but always fall right back to sleep. Not today. I've been up since 4. I think I may flop on the couch and close my eyes.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Feeling well enough to be hating life.

I don't mean to whine, I really don't. My life is so incredibly good right now, and I am bursting with gratitude, however, I am feeling so much better today and yet still am so limited and still have this tummy fluid issue that I am depressed.

I figure I must be improving since the doctor didn't insist on seeing me today. I noticed the swelling was so much better this morning, however as the day goes on, it comes back. Tomorrow I go back to be re-drained. I have a 2 week follow-up that was scheduled for Wednesday but that was before I had this whole fluid build up thing going on, so I'm hoping beyond hope that after tomorrow, he says I won't need anymore "draining sessions" and have him check me for my 2 week follow up tomorrow rather than having to come back on Wednesday. Please join me in these thoughts. Let's manifest that, y'all! :)

I asked him yesterday how long I needed to wear a girdle and he said he recommends 6 weeks and then said, "How long has it been, 3?" and was shocked when I told him it had only been 1.5 weeks. I truly believe I am recovering at warp speed here.

The funny thing about all of this is that it was my tummy that bothered me more than anything. Having that "apron" depressed me. My shrunken breasts bothered me a little, but really not that much. My mom was the one who convinced me to do both and that I'd feel so much better after getting new breasts. She was right. Even after just a week and a half and having a whole lot longer to totally heal from the surgery, I can already tell you my breasts are gorgeous. Works of art. Perfectly symmetrical and the perfect size. I am wearing a t-shirt today and let me say, I make it look GOOD. I'm so glad I got that done.

Thanks for hearing me out with this whiny post. I am really so very lucky to have you in my corner.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

A new day

Good morning, my lovies.

First, thanks for all the encouragement in the comments from my last post. Having you guys here going through this with me is SO helpful.

Today is a steak day. Again, I'm not weighing myself but I have a steak and it expires today, so there you have it. I may as well do it, especially after all the crap I've been eating. I am not a sugar person but I've had caramel corn and chocolate the last week. I have no idea if and how that's affected my weight. I do know I don't feel well after eating sugar, so the steak day is a welcomed one. I also found some Jay Robb chocolate flavored egg white protein shakes in my storage that I pulled out. I think I'll do a shake day after the steak day, and then I may do an apple/cheese day just to clean me out after the holidays, and then go back to more of a Mediterranean style diet of balanced protein, veggies and fruit.

So my tummy feels less distended this morning. Whether it is or not I can't tell for sure. I meet my doctor in an hour and a half to have him drain it again. Although I know it doesn't hurt and it's not a big deal, I am still dreading it.

My feet are so swollen! I look pregnant both with my belly and my feet and ankles. When I get back from my appointment, I'll lay down with my feet elevated and hopefully that will help with the swelling.

My husband leaves Monday for Portland and returns Thursday. I'm glad I have the kids here to help me if I need it, but having to juggle getting someone to watch them while I go to the doctor is no fun. Fortunately, I have very good friends who have offered to help. I feel very blessed!

I'm off to shower and get ready to go. Boy do I miss baths! Another week and a half and I can soak in the tub again!!

Thanks again, guys :)

Friday, December 25, 2009

NOT such a Merry Christmas

The reason you've not seen my tummy is that since Tuesday, it's been really bloated. I was told it's normal swelling and that it can be so discouraging because right out of surgery, it's perfectly flat. I was told it could be 6 weeks before it will be looking normal. Well, Wednesday when they removed the drains, she said about 1 in 15 women will have problems after the drains are out with too much fluid being gathered. She told me the warning sign is if you tap your belly and it wiggles like a water bed.

I awoke totally in pain with my belly as it is terribly distended. I was told too that after the drains come out, getting a bit more swollen there is normal, so I didn't pay much attention to it until I went to the bathroom this afternoon, and did the water bed test. I failed. So, here it is Christmas and I had to call my doctor. Fortunately, he made it very clear I could contact him with any questions at any time. He called me after I left a message with his service and we're meeting at the surgical center in an hour where he will draw the excess fluid out with a needle (YIKES!!!). He assures me I won't feel a thing as that part of the belly has no nerve sensation and advised me to simply look the other way.

PLEASE send positive vibes my way and a VERY happy holiday to all y'all!!!


Okay, I'm back. It didn't hurt, and I wasn't overreacting about my belly. He was very glad I called. He drained 42 cc's of fluid and I'm to return tomorrow to have it done again. UGH! He said  hopefully it wouldn't take too many times to get it under control, so who knows how many more times I'll have to have this done. He said if it doesn't resolve we may need to do another drain, but more likely he'd operate to fix the problem. Quite frankly I'd rather he operate than to do another drain. He said the likelihood of needing to go in again is 25%. Let's hope we can control it with the manual draining with the syringe. It was SO less traumatic than having the drains out.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

I will not lie. That hurt like a mother&!@$*$

Thank goodness I took the xanax and the tylenol. I have no idea how much worse it would have been.The nurse thought I was BRILLIANT to do that. Tuck this little info away in case you have to do this too. I screamed with each drain and swore (by the way, swearing actually helps).

They are AMAZED by my progress. Simply amazed. I'm telling you, it's the 2000 mg of vitamin C, 6000-10,000 mg of vitamin D, the Lifecaps, Zyflamend, TMG, apple cider vinegar, and cordyceps. I really think all that has played a huge role in my healing.

So, I no longer have to wear my compression stalkings. I brought in my own sucky-in girdle thing that I had from before and they said it was perfect so that's what I have now. I can't remember how long I need to wear it, but the strap I was wearing across my chest I now only need to wear at night. I feel SO FREE right now. A whole new woman.

They removed the stitches from around my belly button and took the tape off of my breasts and belly. Everything is looking just great.

I was told to be extra limited in my movement for 48 hours while my tissue heals from the tubes being removed so I'm doing just that.

Thanks for the well wishes and good thoughts!!

Hello my lovies! Today is D day... DRAINS DAY!

This is a day I've so looked forward to and dreaded all at once.

I emailed the clinic yesterday asking if they could prescribe a pain pill for me for before my appointment so that the drain removal would be less traumatic but she assured me I didn't have anything to worry about. So, I took matters into my own hands. About an hour ago I took 2 extra strength tylenols and 1 xanax. I am feeling goooooood right now. I still dread having them yank out the tubes, but I am SO looking forward to having them gone. They've been the worst part of the surgery. I look forward to being able to wear normal underwear and not have to worry about looping the tubing through holes in the front.

I will report back when it's over. My appointment is in a half hour. Think quick tube non-traumatic removal thoughts for me!!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

My in-laws are gone and I'm totally off pain medication

Hi all,

Yesterday was my husband's birthday. My natural father and his wife visited and we had a little celebration for my husband. Because my in-laws were leaving today, we went ahead and did our Christmas with them yesterday as well. Since they wouldn't be here for my birthday next month, I went ahead and opened my birthday presents with them as well. I got the new expansion pack for the Sims 3 and a gift certificate for Victoria's Secret for $75! PERFECT! I'll be ready in a couple weeks to go bra shopping again! :D

I had no plans to be careful yesterday food wise. I ate cookies, caramel corn, drank wine, etc. - I feel bloated and icky today and am doing a steak day. I have NO idea if I need to or not. Once I'm totally unwrapped and these drains are out, I'll weigh myself. I am very nervous about it, I must admit. I keep telling myself that if I HAD to do another round, I could. I just really, really, REALLY don't want to have to. I want to get on that scale and see maybe only a slight increase due to the new additions...if that. We shall see, we shall see.

I'm going to attempt to get undressed and shower on my own this morning. My husband is at work and I'm home with the kids. Thank goodness they "get" that I'm not 100% and are being really good.

OKAY, well, Happy Holidays all y'all! Hugs and kisses!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

No prescriptions on the weekend??

Ugh. I am down to 3 pain pills (2.5 now) so I had to cut them in half and send my husband out to get tylenol. I've been working on taking them farther apart and fewer in between, but I still need them. Good lord, people told me the breast surgery would be painful but I had NO IDEA. I went an entire night without medication night before last, but awoke at quarter till 7 so uncomfortable I knew I just needed to get out of bed. Still with the intention of not taking anymore, I went to get my thyroid medication but soon discovered it was excruciating to try to open the pill bottle. I failed. I took it and my pain medication bottle to my husband and took one of each. I am now still stretching the time, but now the dose even more.

I had planned on taking 2 full pain meds before they pulled my drains out (uuuuuugh), which will be either Monday or Wednesday, but that won't work now unless they give me more tomorrow. I'd prefer to be done with it altogether if I can. I'm thinking perhaps I'll take extra strength tylenol and a xanax before they take out my drains. I am both dreading it (I remember how painful/uncomfortable it was when I had my hysterectomy) and looking forward to it like you can't imagine. I am so sick of these things and every time they get tugged on, I feel the most horrific sting. It's awful. I am so ready to take a shower without wearing a necklace that I can hang the drains on. UGH.

I didn't go past 5 days without a movement (sorry if this is TMI). It felt like I gave birth 3 times that day, I swear! I had NO idea how uncomfortable I was until it was over. Won't let that happen again. Uuuugh!!

I am beginning to look human again. I've been taking various pictures along the way. It's an interesting transformation and the bruises, being symmetrical, are actually kind of pretty in a sci-fi kind of way.

I'm tired of being confined but oh so grateful for the help. My mother-in-law is vacuuming as I type. The laundry has never been so taken care of!

I wish now that I had weighed immediately after surgery since I know what I weighed before. That way I could account for all the extra and know what I was truly dealing with, but I didn't do that. Perhaps psychologically this is a good thing since I've been in "control" for YEARS (logging my weight and food since 2006) and perhaps breaking that isn't a bad thing. I have to think that way to keep my sanity. I asked my husband to get me a steak for Tuesday night as my in-laws will be gone then and I have no idea if I need one or not even close, but I think it will make me feel better to do one. :)

Love you all! Off to catch up.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Quick update - not weighing in for another couple weeks!

I was confusing in my last post when I said I weighed in at 118 on surgery day. Most thought I meant post-op. No, no, no, this was pre-op. It was quite a shock to put on 2 pounds overnight. It wasn't the calories as I logged every bite and had calories to spare. I suspect it was lack of BM, stress, and salt. I had really hoped to go into surgery closer to my happy weight of 115 but no such luck.

I don't plan to weigh in until all the compression stockings, corsettes, and bandages come off so I'm thinking it will be a couple weeks. I don't want to scare myself as I am retaining a LOT of water, and I've not had a movement now in 5 days. Not happy about that. I've had 2 cups of smooth move tea today so far. I can feel things moving but not out just yet.

I'm alone right now. The kids are in school and my husband and in-laws went to Costco (always an adventure for them). I told him I'd take it easy and call if I needed him. I'm feeling so much better that they are afraid I'll push it. I get that so I really am trying.

Please take a moment to send a positive thought to Lavenderdiva. She and her family needs it right now.

Love you all!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

It's late and I'm on drugs, but I thought I'd check in.

Hey all,

Well, I survived!! I can't tell you what a relief it is that it's over. Surgery lasted about 3 hours. I've been religious about taking my pain pills at minimal intervals and maximum quantities. I may start to taper off tomorrow.

I weighed in yesterday at 118. 118?!? Stress? Salt? It wasn't calories. Now I am puffed up like a puffer fish and strapped in 3 corsets and 2 of those sucky in socks. COMPRESSION socks. Damned drugs. :) Anyway, THAT said, I won't weigh in until I'm out of all of that. I know my calorie limits and I know what's healthy to eat. This will be a major test for me not to weigh in, go by what I know is healthy, and let the chips (ha!) fall where they may.

I had my first follow up today. They completely unbandaged me and I got a good look in the mirror. I have had experience with post-op surgery of this sort with my mother's reconstructive surgery, so I pretty much knew what to expect, and have "Realtor eye" so I also see potential. Even with all the bruising and me being swollen from head to toe, I could see he did a magnificant job. My belly is completely FLAT. My breasts are gorgeous, and will only improve when they drop and the swelling goes down. I have to admit though it was my tummy I couldn't get over. I am so glad I decided to go ahead with it as well.

Now I'm dealing with moving very slowly and a great deal of pain, but having so much support around me makes it so doable. A forced break is pretty fantastic too, I must say. The drains are terribly icky too. I'll have them another week or so. I am so looking forward to having a shower when I can!

Well, it's awfully late. I've been having blogger withdrawels! Here I am in bed with my laptop on my very flat lap. :)

Love to you all and thank you SO MUCH for the positive thoughts - I know it helped with my surgery and recovery!

Monday, December 14, 2009

116 - no steak day after all but a loss nonetheless. Tomorrow is surgery day!

I went to get the steak but it smelled of rotten milk so I threw it away. I was so disappointed! So, I ended up having "hapjes" (appetizers) with my in-laws when they arrived last evening. Little "purses" with spinach and cheese, and Greek appetizers with phylo filled with the same. That and wine from my sister's winery.

Lavenderdiva, you weren't kidding about the compliments. they couldn't stop gushing about how incredible I looked and that I was back to the women they first met. These people have always had my back and been there for me. I adore them and am so fortunate to have them in my life.

Tomorrow is the day. My husband will drive me and my sister-in-law to the surgical center tomorrow morning, and then he'll come back to the house and get the kids to school. I should be ready to come home around noon.

I am extremely nervous if I let my mind go there. I'm trying to keep as busy with things I won't be able to do such as wrap presents, etc. and that is helping. I do need to get a few books for my daughter as I didn't realize I'd gotten some for her brother but not her.

I think I'll take a xanax tonight before bed to help me sleep.

Think good thoughts for me please!

Love to you!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

2 weeks into P4 - 116.7 (116.1 on kiss ass)

It amazes me at how well I've stabilized. I've technically not had to do a steak day through all P3 and P4 after my last round if you go by my true last dose weight of 117.6. In fact, I don't think I've even surpassed that weight at all. I still like the idea of going with my average between that weight and 113.9 landing me at 115.75.

I am shocked I didn't gain more. Last night we went to a holiday party with co-workers of my husband who have turned into camping buddies in the Summer, and one couple is actually a property management client of mine now. I didn't hold back. I ate chips and dip and bacon wrapped stuffed jalapeño peppers, drank way too much wine and did a jell-o shot. This went on until midnight. To get on the scale at 4 in the morning to see only slightly more than a pound? Shut UP!!

I AM doing a steak day, only because otherwise the steak won't be eaten and I'm not one to waste a steak! I'm drinking lots of water.

So, here's a little miracle.

Utah is considered one of the breast augmentation capitals of the USA. I think it's right behind LA, though it may actually have surpassed them. That said, there are a LOT of plastic surgeons here. A LOT. Last night I was chatting with one of our friends who had been turned onto HCG after my success. She and her daughter did it over the Summer together. Her daughter was obese and has been thrilled to finally have something that works. That aside, my friend had also had the surgery so she was sharing with me her experience, giving me tips, etc. WELL. It turns out her husband's daughter works as a nurse for a plastic surgeon, and has worked with 7 different doctors. My friend texted her and asked who she worked for now. Yes, my doctor. She texted back that not only did she work with him, but he was the one who did all of her work as well! Not only THAT, but she is assisting him on my surgery. I've met her once before at one of our camp outs. I am so comforted that she'll be there! My friend told her how nervous I was and made sure she knew I needed extra hand holding. Is that the universe supporting and loving me or what?! Of ALL the surgeons in Utah...

My in-laws will be here tonight. I've got their rooms all done, fresh flowers in each, new towels, and everything spic and span.. Now I need to work on the bathrooms and my desk.

Love to you!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Day 13 P4 115.5 (115.1 on SU)

A girlfriend of mine stopped by last night. We had the rest of the Costco pizza and some yummy wine from the winery where my sister works. I had a steak thawed for today, fully expecting to need it. Nope! We do have a party tonight to go to so we'll see if I need it tomorrow. Hopefully not. I don't mind steak days, but I love the idea of just being stable. I even had a cookie last night.

I showed a home today with a barn. I'm 5' tall and not used to needing to duck. On my way back from the barn, we had to go through a gate with an iron bar across the top and I was walking full speed and wasn't paying attention. THUMP. Hit me square on the head! I felt completely discombobulated! If you watch CSI, you'll remember those scenes where something hits someone and then it zooms into the person to show the damage. I had those visions. As you all have figured out by now, I tend to panic easily.  I hadn't eaten before I went to show the home and had only a couple cups of coffee and I'm hoping that's why I'm feeling a bit dizzy now (though I did come home and fix myself eggs and turkey sausage for lunch). Boy do I feel dumb!

Tomorrow night my in-laws arrive. This weekend I will devote to getting everything prepared for them. I am so excited to be seeing them again. I adore them! Last time I saw them I had just finished up my first round and was 138 pounds. Last time they saw a picture of me with my current bod, they asked my husband if it really was me! I now weigh what I did when I lived in Holland. They have their daughter-in-law back.

Speaking of my husband... he flies to Portland the end of the month for a face to face meeting with his company's CIO.... :)

I love you guys! Have a great weekend!

Friday, December 11, 2009

Day 12? Is that right? Almost 2 weeks into P4 - 115 (114.5 on suckety uppety)

Stable. That's a great feeling! Especially considering how completely unnerved I feel.

I had a total breakdown this afternoon. It's been a long time since I actually sobbed. I was alone and feeling fearful and selfish. I felt so much guilt about the surgery and how I was putting my life at risk to do this and that I could possibly leave my children without a mother for my vanity. I sobbed. I felt waves of guilt and fear wash over me and I just broke down.

I needed the release. It occurred to me how I've left them without a mother for some time. How for so long I've been sleepwalking through my life and how much I've missed out with them because of that. I'm finally awake, and awake enough to question what the hell I'm doing with the surgery.

It is what it is and it will happen. Tuesday December 15 at 7 am Mountain time. It won't make a difference if I fret about it or not. Perhaps light a candle for me if you're up at that time, would you? :)

Still so much to do but I've run out of steam today. I took my daughter to the mall and she picked out a holiday dress. We were actually going for me as I have a party tomorrow night, but she saw this dress and lit up. I'm going to wear one I already have. :) Typical! I shouldn't be shopping pre-new body anyway, right?

Thanks for checking in with me! Happy Hanukkah!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

P4, Day 11, 116.1 (115.7 on el suckety-upo)

Two words: Costco pizza.

So, I'm rethinking the whole LDW/LLW thing, as 115 is where I seem to be most consistently. I went ahead and added my LDW of 117.6 with my LLW of 113.9 and divided by 2 and get 115.75. I'm thinking I'll grab that as my "norm" and go from there. No steak day today. Oh, and I failed to mention that I fell into chocolate last night. I am progressively nervous about the surgery and was going for the wine too often so I thought if I had something sweet, I'd stop drinking. It worked. I doubt the gain was from that but from the sodium in the pizza.

I have nothing of any great importance to say. I'm trying to stay busy (which isn't hard to do with in-laws and Christmas coming and needing to prepare for that) so I can keep my mind off of the surgery. I have massive cleaning to do, especially in my daughter's room which literally looks like it was hit by an earthquake, as well as scrubbing the bathrooms to within an inch of their lives. I need to make sure all the finances are in shape. I need to wrap presents as I won't feel like doing that after surgery. Lots and lots and lots to do, thank GOD.

I bought several outfits from Costco yesterday that had zip fronts since I won't be able to pull tops over my head for awhile. I totally spaced that until they mentioned it at yesterdays appointment.

Here I am in my surgery day outfit:

It's nothing I would have ever picked out for myself but I LOVE it.

Okay guys, thanks for listening. I am so lucky to have you.

Edited to add...

Here is the ad for the place I'm going. The tree in the background is my doctor.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Steak day success! 115.4 (115.1 on suck up). Pre-op appointment!!

Helloooooo! I had my pre-op appointment today. Talk about nerve wracking! I know these jitters are normal but I'm telling you, I'm flipping out! I know this sounds nutty, but remember when I told you that I see 11:11 (I didn't realize until today I had my first appointment with the surgeon on 11/11)at least once a day and how I used to see Harley Davidson's and then Fed Ex, and now it's the Audi brand? Well, I've come to find comfort in seeing that brand (as well as the 11:11 - I consider that a hug from the Universe to me). I may be driving along and start to think about what I am about to go through, panic, look over and there is an Audi. It always makes me smile and I instantly feel better. I know, I know, it sounds crazy. I saw 12 Audi's today. This is not a popular brand in my state.

They took my "before" pictures. I signed a ginormous pile of papers stating anything and everything could go wrong and I acknowledge that. I'll never forget this one: "Death is the ultimate complication from surgery." Um, really? EEFRIGGINGADS!

My Doctor is a tree. He could easily be 7 feet tall. I don't know why, but I find this comforting. He's very easy to talk to and so understanding. I told him how scared I was and he said he'd worry if I weren't. Hmmm, maybe that isn't a comfort after all!

He's been so open minded. He'd never heard of a thermagram but was 100% behind me doing that instead of a mammogram if that was what my physician recommended.  I shared with him this article and he's looking into that as a possibility as well, so long as there's science to back it. In the mean time, I've upped my vitamin C intake.

Here's my thermagram:

See why self exams made me nutty??? My results for both were TH-2F (click for full size):

I'm off to go catch up with you guys. Christy in Seattle has a fascinating post that I got half way through before the line to pick up the kids moved and I was interrupted. Hope the rest of you updated as well!


Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Day 9 - fell into the very salty beef jerky last night - 117.6!

Technically, I am AT my LDW so I don't NEED to do a steak day, however I seem to be stabilizing right around 115 which I am very comfortable with, and since I thawed a steak for after my "free" day, I may as well. It's going to be extremely busy for me today as is so I'll take advantage of that.

I received a faxed copy of my thermagram. Now I understand why a 2 and not a 1. I have lumpy breasts. I always have, hence why I got the thermagram in the first place so the doctor would feel comfortable operating. The report basically says I have lumpy breasts consistent with being estrogen dominant and that they are nothing to worry about. I now have a baseline to compare it to. This is a great comfort to me since doing self exams has been very hard. For me, I have to make sure the lumps are symmetrical. It's very nerve wracking to say the least!

I tried to pay the remainder of the balance over the phone with my debit card but it gave them an error. Bless Chase bank! GAH. So, now I need to go to the bank and get a cashier's check for the remainder, but it turns out that gives me an extra discount so it's all good! I'm going to go put on my face and take care of that next, along with some errands. Wish me luck. The roads are icy!

Hope you're doing GREAT!

Monday, December 7, 2009

Day 8 on P4 - 115.4 Yea, baby!

I knew I'd gain. Question was, how much and would I need a steak day? Answer, .9 and NO! I'm thrilled.

I've been super busy. You're not going to believe this but I picked up ANOTHER buyer! One of my tenants. To have this much activity this time of year is crazy. I am beyond thrilled. Of course nothing can really happen until after the holidays. I'm having my surgery a week from tomorrow! EEEEEEK! So, I delivered a box of chocolates to them for the holidays (from See's - they always hand out free samples and I've always saved them for my husband... not today! All mine).

I called the thermagram people again as I have yet to get my results. They should be in my mail anytime, but she assured me she'd fax the results if need be so I can have that ready for my pre-op appointment. I am hoping that had there been anything suspicious they'd be calling me rather than mailing the results.

UPDATE! I just heard from the thermagram people. They just got the report and will fax it to me tomorrow as well as send a hard copy. There is apparently a scale of 1-5, 1 being absolutely shiny clean and 5 being there is an issue we need to look into further. She said my report came in clean and I was a 2 (of course I am wondering why not a 1!). This gives us a great baseline for years to come to be able to scan for cancer and implants have zero effect on the scans, unlike with mammograms. I'm clean! Woohoo!

I have so much cleaning and organizing I need to do before my in-laws are here on Sunday. I wish the rest of my family felt the sense of urgency that I do - I could use the help!

I'll keep this short and sweet (like me - tee hee). Hope you're doing well! Y'all have been so quiet today on your blogs! C'mon, people! :)

Me and Sister Dottie D.!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

FREE Sundays!

I almost forgot I did that in my previous P4s! I feel confident I've done fine stabilizing so I'm doing a free Sunday. I get whatever I want today. So, I ate fairly normally today with the exception of the wine at the listing appointment, and a low carb burger for dinner, and 2 marshmallow caramels for dessert. Weeeeeeeeeee!

Just in cases, the steak is thawing...


1 week down in P4 - 114.5 (114.3 on suck up). WOW!

Oke doke! Looks like I'm nice and stable at a weight I deem perfect. Yea!!

It's COLD here. 19 degrees. UGH. It snowed yesterday so the roads are frozen. I will have to creeeeep to my appointment today. We're supposed to get socked with a major storm tonight through Wednesday (when my pre-op appointment is). I hate, hate driving in the Winter. Hate it.

Speaking of my appointment, I still have yet to hear back from the thermagram people. I'm a little antsy about that as I must have that before he operates. A week from Tuesday! Oh my heavens, okay, not thinking about that now.

I think I'm going to treat myself to a little chocolate today!

Hope you're all fantastic!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Day 6 P4 - 114.9 (114.5 on Suck Up) - hooray for Julian Bread!

I have to admit, I was a little worried given how sensitive I used to be to grains to try the Julian bread. I will also admit that I expected the bread to taste like cardboard. I toasted it and slathered it with butter. The bread was a little dry, but with melted butter? I thought I'd died and gone to carb heaven. It was yummy! As you can see, it had no adverse affect on my weight either! I am so happy to see my weight settling in here. Pretty soon I'll stop logging all my food as well, and simply allowing my morning weight to dictate what I eat that day. Today, I had another slice and put it under the broiler with a slice of pepper jack cheese. MMMMM! Yummy!

I had an incredibly productive day today. I dropped off a box of chocolates to one of my tenants and picked up their rent and deposited it. I then went down town to a book signing for a friend who is an actor who plays a very popular local character, Sister Dottie S. Dixon. The character he plays is of a Mormon mother of a gay son. He does a radio show, as well as a play and just released his book illustrated by Pat Bagley, "The Mormon Kama Sutra"

I got myself a copy (he gave it to me and even planted a big kiss on it!), as well as 4 more as Christmas presents for various lovies who are all ex-Mormons, thus able to get those references.

Oh, he was on The Colbert Report last month - he was one of the guys (the other is his partner) dressed as the Village People in this clip:

I came home to find an email from someone I know from the local wine club who is ready to start looking at homes! What a great surprise! So, I'm having coffee with them tomorrow to talk about that, and then I have a listing appointment with a mutual friend of "Sister D's" tomorrow as well. What FUN!

I hope you're all having a terrific weekend!

Friday, December 4, 2009

5th day of P4 - 115.1 (114.5 on suck up)

Hello, my lovies!

I was feeling so much better yesterday that I got very busy with all I've not had the energy for while I've been sick. I showed homes, did laundry, worked on my property management (I picked up a new rental! Yeah!), and delivered just moved cards to my past clients. I'm afraid I pushed myself a little too hard as I felt less fantastic this morning. I'm okay now, but I am going to move a bit more slowly today.

I've written myself a check to deposit in my main account that will cover the surgery. It will be paid for in cash. I have enough left over from my commissions to cover my taxes (if I have to pay any - I think I'll be getting money back but I'd rather be safe than sorry!).

So, I got down to 115.9 yesterday after my steak day. I was so busy yesterday and the easiest things to grab happened to be low carb, so I was basically eating P3 style and dropped another .8. I am going to try my Julian bread which arrived this week! I am thinking of having it toasted with a tablespoon of coconut oil, cinnamon, and stevia as a treat. Net 1 carb and 13 grams of fiber! We shall see! It's been awhile since I had any grains.

Thanks again for all the hand holding lately. I'm a highly sprung individual and come from a long line of over reactors (Father of the Bride!). You are beyond appreciated and your comments feel like virtual hugs!

This is for you!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Getting a grip. "AH-HA! ... duh..."

Lavenderdiva, THANK YOU. Your comments these last couple posts have blessed me. I actually had a clear idea as to what I was going to write tonight and then read your comment on my last post and saw that you said what I was wanting to say, only more centered and clear and I cannot tell you how blessed I feel that you're a part of my life. Truly blessed.

I realized tonight what a miracle I am. What a miracle my life is. What a miracle this protocol has been for me. What a miracle this community of blogs has become for me. What a miracle that we are transforming right before our very eyes - physically, emotionally, and spiritually. What a miracle!

I have always had the Universe's support. Always. Life isn't about routine and playing it safe. At least it never has been for me. To be so fearful of the change I crave so dearly is understandable, yet really silly when I consider what my life has been.

There was a long time when I wasn't so afraid. The only thing I feared was falling asleep and some men. In 1996, I got into a car wreck that totaled my car (left me unscathed thankfully), got divorced, and the family business went belly up. Within a few months of all that, I began having panic attacks. I thought I was dying. I was sure every time we drove over a bridge, it would collapse. I became paranoid that someone would poison my food if we went out to eat. Forget flying, elevators, or escalators. Even then, the Universe stepped in. A HUGE package of xanax ended up being mailed to my home, addressed to someone else. My parents and I tried to locate this woman to no avail. After I had a particularly bad attack, my mother gave me one and I realized I wasn't dying after all, and in fact felt quite good. I then went to a doctor got a prescription.

I continued to have these attacks for 2 more years. I remember walking through a grocery store with my mother having an attack and in tears telling her that I knew that one day, I would be well again. One day, I would not have to take a pill to stop me from believing I was dying. One day, I could tell someone who felt the same way that they too would get through this someday.

I haven't taken a xanax in over 10 years. The last time I had an episode that had me believing I was dying was 4 years ago. Sometimes I feel it coming on but I know what it is, and I'm not dying. I ride the wave.

My full blown panic is gone. My anxiety is still an issue, but I am a miracle. I am loved and supported. I am powerful. I can transform. I am proof of that. 

Life is incredible. To have a perception based on physical limitations is incredible.

The best drug to calm nerves is the truth. I've found it before in books such as "A Course In Miracles" and Gangaji, as well as Byron Katie's "The Work"

Thank you all for continuing on this journey with me. It helps to share it with you. It helps so much when you share with me.

We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves. - Buddha

3rd day P4 - 117.3 (116.8 on suck up). Steak day.

First, I need to thank you guys for the encouraging comments. I really, really appreciate it.

I'm up! :( I know technically I don't need a steak day if I go by my LDW rather than my LLW. Hmm. I think it's the sodium in all the chicken soup I've been eating. I am not big on salt normally.

Ok, I oscillate between being excited and being absolutely terrified. Right now, I'm terrified. It's actually why I'm writing, in hopes it will calm me down to talk about it. Hormonally Challenged Gal, I had to chuckle a little when you said I didn't strike you as someone who would make rash decisions. :) I'm just the opposite! I was ready to marry my husband the moment we met in person after a short online romance. I was raised in the circus! The only logic on this whole surgery is that his folks will be here to help take care of me while I recover. I am absolutely panicked about our finances as well as my physical safety - not sure which one has me more frightened. BUT, I've already paid 10% down and that is non-refundable. This is going to happen. I'm really trying to turn my nerves into excitement. It's scary.

I think I'm recovering from the cold. I was icky this morning but my head feels pretty clear now, which is great as I need to get to work. I've been sending out my Holiday postcards from my business. I need to make the appointment to meet with a potential new client while the iron is hot, and I have some homes to show my buyer as back up in case his offer fails for any reason. Things to do, and this needs to all happen before my in-laws are here on the 13th. Surgery is the 15th! Oh gads, and then I need to wrap presents (and buy some for the in-laws) all before I go in. There is so much to do. Here I am blogging. Sheesh.

Hormonally Challenged Gal, thanks for the compliment on my collage! I do one every year and it fascinates me how they turn out. We all get together with a huge pile of magazines and begin to just grab anything that grabs us, without thinking about it. We analyze after everything has been glued onto the poster board. Anyway, I took a digital image of it and uploaded the image to and in the blog html, chose that image as the background image so I could have it here. I also have it as my screen image on my computer. Hope that helps!

Okay, I leave you with a quote I saw today that I really loved.

A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse.- Stephen Dolley Jr

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

2nd day of P4, 115.9 (115.4 on suck up), lots of new intruduced.

Hey hey. I'm exactly 2 pounds up from LLW and not quite 2 pounds under LDW. This after introducing some starch and sugar, and having a handful of cashews last night (SALT!!). Not bad results. I'll keep the steaks out of the freezer for one more day just in cases (was that from Love Actually? My daughter says it all the time now and is so adorable).

I'm having a very hard time with my emotions right now. I panic when I'm sick anyway but to have the surgery looming exactly 2 weeks from now, I'm a mess. What am I doing?? I know it will be okay, but ACK!!

So, while on the trip everyone pulled my husband aside to get an idea as to why he'd not considered moving to PortlanItalicd. God, I appreciate my family. My sister's wasband took him to a brew pub and questioned him further. What he told him was that the office there is much more formal and he prefers the laid back attitude of the Utah office, and that he felt Portland would be far more expensive than Utah. The first point I can't argue. The second one, I feel I can. I've looked at cost of living calculators between where we are versus there and there is about a 10K per year difference, however, this would assume I'm not working. My kids are old enough for me to go back to work. So, it isn't more expensive to move there. Our home has equity and the market out there got hit a LOT worse than ours. We could get a lot more home out there for the money.

At one point, he told me everyone was pressuring him to move to Portland. I replied, "We should!". He didn't say anything about it after that.

So, it's a matter of addressing that first point. It's a valid point, but so is the point that our kids will have so many more opportunities for them there, not to mention a culture that they'd fit in, that I'd fit in, and we'd be close to family. That's huge. HUGE.

His folks will be here in another couple weeks and I have this major surgery coming up. It's a lot of pressure so I'm not pushing the issue right now, but it will come up and I'm no longer afraid to say what I need to say.

So, there you have it. I'm moving very slowly and trying to move this bug out of my system. I'll get some emergen-c when I pick up the kids from school. Tomorrow I'll do some moving of commissions around on my various credit cards so I can pay for this surgery. I have another accepted offer on a pre-forclosure house that I believe will go through sometime next month, and I have a potential either listing or new rental coming up this week, and they want to buy too... but I've learned not to count unhatched chicks!

Love you guys. You really help me so very much.

Monday, November 30, 2009

First day of P4 - 115.2 and SICK

114.5 on suck up. I consider myself officially stable! What a GREAT feeling.

Not so great feeling? The sore throat and stuffy head. I gotta say, thank GOD I am in P4 today because I am just downing chicken veggie soup like it's going out of style. It has some non-P3 friendly ingredients.

I am trying to relax. I've been dieting for so long. Finally being at the weight I want to be, I need to retrain myself and relax. To not worry about what this food is going to do. I need to eat what I crave because I'm craving healthy foods. I need to relax.

Obviously I'm not doing a steak day today. I have the steaks ready if I need them, and will freeze them for later if I don't need one tomorrow.

I have so much I want to share but am just feeling crappy. Part of it is the cold I caught, and I'm sure part is hormonal as I am crying at the drop of a hat. I know much of that is because I'm back home and back to reality, but I literally just burst into tears without any provocation. It's also the fear of the surgery. If I let myself think about it, my stomach goes into knots. I absolutely panic.

I'll write more tomorrow. I do have much to process and I love processing with all of you. You really help me, more than I can say.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Last day of P3 - 116

My lovieeeeeeeeeeees!!! I have been bad. I had every intention of keeping up with all y'all, as well as keeping all y'all posted. Sorry. Way too much fun was to be had. Oh. My. God. I LOVE PORTLAND. Love it. LOVE it. Love the city, love being surrounded by hippies, love the local food, wine, art, nature, and last but not least, my family is all up there!! We rented a 6 bedroom house in the city where my parents, brother and his family, and my clan all shared, and my sister and her wasband visited every day. We drank the most succulent wine EVER from the winery where my sister works, ate great food (I stuck to cheese and chicken mostly), and shared wonderful memories with one another from Thanksgiving's past. It was great. Just great. I felt normal there. It was amazing! We all had a terrific time and I can't remember the last time we were all together.

Technically I don't need a steak day, but tomorrow I'm doing one. After all, this is 116 on the suck up. She can't be trusted. :)

You may have noticed the background has changed - we did our yearly collages while together and this is my new one for the next year. Everything on my old collage has come true.

I have lots more to say, but I'm exhausted from the drive so I'll post some pictures and report tomorrow. I have a LOT of your blogs to catch up on!

Monday, November 23, 2009

P3 day 13 - 115.3

The steak was way salty and once more I was terrible with my water intake. Still, I dropped so that had me happy.

I've been packing like mad. We leave first thing in the morning for a verrrrrrry long drive. With stops for gas and bathroom breaks, I expect it will take about 13+ hours. We'll split up the driving. Still, it should prove to be an extremely long day.

OH, I almost forgot! I need to pack my scale! I think I'll take suck up with me. :)

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Okay - I think I'll attempt this for Thanksgiving this year, minus the crust - P3 Friendly Pumpkin Cheesecake

Low Carb Pumpkin Cheesecake

This cheesecake is everything a good cheesecake should be. No one will know it is sugar free and gluten free unless you tell. Under 4 carbs for a large serving, very diabetic friendly.


28 oz. of Cream Cheese (3.5 8oz packages)
1 teaspoon Vanilla
1 Tablespoon pumpkin pie spice
4 eggs plus
1 egg yolk
3 Tablespoons heavy cream
1 (15 oz.) can organic pumpkin
1.25 teaspoon of stevia (or your favorite non-carb sweetener)
2 cups finely ground pecans for crust
3 tablespoons butter for crust
2 egg whites for crust


makes 30 4.5 inch by .75 inch slices
Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Mix about 16th teaspoon stevia, ground pecans butter and 2 egg whites.
Press into a 9x13 glass pan sprayed with cooking spray.
Bake for 20 minutes.
Turn oven down to 300 degrees.
Bring all cold ingredients to room temp.
I microwave the cream cheese for 30 seconds to make it easier to work with.
Add 1/2 teaspoon stevia and vanilla to cream cheese and mix well (no lumps)
In a separate bowl add pumpkin, 1/16th teaspoon stevia, and
spices .
To the cream cheese mixture add 1 egg at a time, mix throughly but gently.
Fold the pumpkin mixture into the cream cheese mixture. Stop mixing when the pumpkin is blended with cream cheese.
Pour the mixture over the baked pecan crust and place in a water bath (larger pan with warm water halfway up the sides of the cheesecake.) The moisture in the oven will help stop the cheese cake from cracking.
Place the water bath containing the cheese cake into the 300 degree oven and cook for 1 hour.
Then reduce oven temp to 200 degrees and cook for another hour.
Then turn the oven off and leave cheese cake in oven until the oven is completely cooled.
Cracks can occur if the cheese cake cools too quickly.
Then let set up in fridge for several hours. (at least 4)
Cut with knife dipped in warm water.

Number of Servings: 30


P3 Day 12 - 116.2 - I'm not surprised

There was NOTHING I could eat at the wine meetup last night, but I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach so I took globs of dip I brought (cheese cream based I think) and simply ate that. I'm sure everyone thought I was nuts. I don't know if there was sugar or starch in the dips. I felt they were probably safe, but I wasn't sure. Technically I don't need a steak day, but like round 1, I seem to be stabilizing lower so I'm doing a steak day anyway.

My dear friend is in town from Switzerland so we're meeting at a restaurant at 3 where I will order my steak. I may buy another small one to eat later as well.

Someone from Sparkpeople wrote me on my sparkpage to tell me she found my blog and read it from the beginning (hi Caligirl! *waves*). I should be packing for my trip and getting ready to meet my girlfriend, yet I went back and read this from the beginning as well. It's been one hell of a journey! I am so grateful. Beyond words grateful for this protocol and all the support I've had from all y'all while on it. Thank you.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

P3 day 11 - 115.8 (1.9 over LLW and 1.9 under LDW)

I ate way too much salt and didn't drink enough water.I'm not concerned in the least though.

So, I'm procrastinating again. I need to scrub the toilets and bathrooms. They are hideous. We have a baby sitter tonight so we can get out to a Wine Club meetup. I'm looking forward to being social! It's been ages.

Hope you're all well!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Clean desk

MUCH better.

P3 day 10 - 114.4

So I seem to be bopping between 113.5-115.5 - fabulous! Not so fabulous? I need new jeans and I feel like I'm hemorrhaging money lately. With the trip coming up and then the in-laws staying here (which is always expensive), I'm nervous about spending. Even my size 4 corduroys are getting loose! I know, I know, what a problem to have. I love my smaller size but seriously!

I'm also procrastinating. I need to attack my desk, rip and tear, file papers and... *gulp* pay bills and I need to do this now. Then I need to attack the rest of the house AND my car, but this has to happen *first*. I've got to have a clear handle on the finances before we take off and I don't want any surprises of bills not being paid on time when we get back.

Hugs to all y'all!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

P3 day 9 - 115.4 (yesterday 115.2)

Woah, what a day.

Sorry to have been MIA. So much happening. I had a closing today (YEAH!! I am so happy for EVERYONE involved!), I had the thermogram (which was also very cool - bet no one has said that about a mammogram except a doctor!), and have been working on my next transaction, which was accepted 2 days ago. How I'd love to be this busy in real estate all the time!!

I won't have the results of my test for 2-4 weeks, she said, though I told her we HAD to have it before 4 weeks, as I am due to have surgery Dec 15. She assured me she'd rush it. I'm going to call her tomorrow and give her my email address in hopes of being able to communicate more easily that way and perhaps get updates more often.

I'm doing a steak day today, though I really didn't need to. I expected to need to so I thawed the steak and now it has to be eaten so there you go.

I returned the little black dress... I replaced it with a much more practical sweater dress that I also couldn't get out of my mind that I will be able to wear this Thanksgiving, to wine meet ups, closings, and just whenever AND with my BOOTS!

Picture this with black tights and my knee high boots:

I have no idea what I'm doing with my mouth in this picture...

I was also about 8 pounds heavier in this picture than when I bought the dress. Looks lots better now. So very happy!

** HUGS **

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

VERY quick update - forget the mammogram!

Hey guys! I've read your blogs but haven't had a chance to respond tonight. It's been crazy with 2 real estate transactions but all is well now! Just tired and happy!

So, my doctor suggested I do this instead of the mammogram:

So, my Thursday mammogram is cancelled and after my closing that day, I'll do this instead. My plastic surgeon is SO curious to learn more about this so I am making it my mission to teach him all about it!

I'll catch up tomorrow!


P3 day 7 - 113.4! 2 more weeks to go!

Hey, peeps! What a surprise this morning! I was feeling really stressed yesterday and fell into some wine and cheese. I thawed a steak just in case. No need, apparently!

My old scale has me at 114.7 which is so odd, given it's usually the suck up. Ah well, either way, I'm fine.

Front page on the paper today says women should wait until age 50 for a mammogram. Oh well! I apparently needed an appointment so it was a no go yesterday. I have an appointment Thursday night.

Speaking of the girls, the kids and I went to Target yesterday to buy a garland. Normally we'd wait until after Thanksgiving to decorate, but it's so cold here right now and the snow is on the ground. We'll be out of town for Thanksgiving so I figured we'd decorate early. As is often the case when with little people, my son began asking for other decorations. I told him we've got some major expenses coming up such as our trip, their Opa and Oma and Tante coming to visit, etc., we really couldn't afford to be frivolous. My daughter in full voice said, "That's right and then there are your new breasts. They'll be expensive". Oh my heavens, I can only imagine how big my eyes got at that point! My son is 9, and my daughter is 7. Hee hee!

Hugs to you all!

Monday, November 16, 2009

P3 Day 6 - 115.3 - WOAH!

I'm not surprised. I ate more carbs (I have homemade cream of asparagus soup that would expire otherwise that I ate 4 cups of) and not enough protein, I'm afraid.

I have chosen 113.9 as my LLW, even though I dropped to 113, as I need one weight to compare to. So, I don't need a steak day unless I go about 115.9. I'm going to up the protein today and we'll see how that goes.

Happy New Moon!

Today I'm going to get my mammogram. I'm a little nervous!

Okay, coffee, workout, get dressed and go. Hope you guys are great (and happy and relaxed)!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

P3 day 5 - 113.1


Well whaddayaknow.

I am a month away from surgery. I have to admit, I've been having panic attacks all morning. I must get calm.

AH! I know JUST the thing...

Saturday, November 14, 2009

P3 day 4 - 114.2 (.3 above LLW) COOL!

Looks like my bod likes this weight! YEEEEHAAWW!!

I was busy with clients today. I delivered 3 boxes of chocolates to past and current buyers. I have 8 more to deliver to tenants and landlords and my other buyer. I'll hopefully get to that by next Saturday. I am changing my real estate goals. I want to sell as many homes as I can until June 2010. That's when the board dues are due. I am suddenly busy, which is funny given this time of year. I have one home under contract, and another with an offer being submitted to the bank (pre-forclosure sale) that looks very promising, and I just got a note from someone who I know from facebook who wants to sell their home and buy closer to the city. I am thrilled! I would love to be really successful between now and June and get paid back for all the expenses of starting the business and have everything totally covered. I would feel most complete with that!

I need to get back in gear with the sorting of each of the rooms in my house. I was doing so well and then got distracted! There's a lot to go through. My daughter has given up barbies and dolls and has a doll house she wants to sell. I was somewhat surprised as she is such a little princess but I guess she'd rather dress herself up instead. So, I need to sort all the toys and do a sale, as well as give to charity. 'Tis the season!


Friday, November 13, 2009

P3 day 3 -114.1 (.2 over LLW)

LLW - Last Lowest Weight. :)

Not bad!

Had my hair done and promised before surgery in the size 2 dress pics, so here we go!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

It's done!

First, I need to thank all of you for the support. I'm embarrassed but check back for comments more often than I am comfortable admitting to! Your support and feedback means the WORLD to me.

Second, it's done.

I called the surgeon I saw yesterday and scheduled the surgery for December 15 for EVERYTHING. I called the Quaker surgeon and cancelled my consult. As I hung up on that call, I looked down on my phone and saw the clock was at 11:11, which said to me I'd done the right thing.

Let me briefly explain 11:11.

When you read tarot cards, you can choose a certain card to be a signifier card, or a card that you know you will see if you were meant to ask the question or if the answer is particularly important to pay attention to. I've noticed lately that I have other symbols in my life that represent such signifiers - ones that bring me comfort and
represent that I'm on the right path. 11:11 has ALWAYS been one for me. I see it at least once a day on the clock. The Harley Davidson logo was one for a long time but is no longer.

More recently, FedEx trucks, and especially the arrow in their logo
(look closely between the E and the X).

Now, it's the car brand Audi. I see them everywhere. They aren't a particularly popular brand here, either. Yesterday I spotted 27. They say you see what you're looking for.

Oh, and I tried on the dress while stuffing my bra to the hilt. The 2 definitely fits. Speaking of size, I know it isn't protocol but I'm counting today as my LIW. I did it successfully first round so why not now!

Tomorrow I am getting a cut and color for my hair, and hopefully will have time to get the mammogram the doctor wants me to have to rule out any problems before surgery. I'm also presenting an offer on a home for a client. Think good thoughts!

**HUGS** to you all!

P3 day 2 - 113.9 (you read that right!)

Over 2 pounds down! As I mentioned in the comments to Miss Mary, I believe this is the Universe preparing me for my new breasts which will add on a pound or so. :) I'm going from an a/b to a c - I was a b/c before the babes were born.

So I know I'm not supposed to be dropping weight. I am now what I weighed on my wedding day and consider me PERFECT. I've told my fitness program to maintain this weight. :D I'm done! I'm done, done, done! YEEHAW!

My toe had a hang nail and it's now infected. I am dressed for working out (it's been forever!) but think I'll stick to low impact as that toe hurts! I have neosporin on it. I hope I'm not too late. It's been bugging me for about half a week but it wasn't until today that I found the ointment.

OKAY, so with the extra drop, I'm going to try that dress on ONE more time and really evaluate the size pre/post surgery and will exchange it if needed. I think I probably should. We'll see. I know you're on pins and needles so I'll keep you posted. :P

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

What is it with my weight dropping NOW? Day 1 P3 116.1 (115.7 on old scale)

My size six jeans are officially way too big. I cannot believe it! I'm thrilled and annoyed all at once (though the thrilled far out weighs the annoyed!).

My appointments went fantastic! Here is the email I sent my darling (I'm lazy and don't want to retype):

I LIKE him.

I had a really good consultation. I went over my concerns about the look being natural and the way a natural breast slopes versus so many augmented breasts and he said my body shape would work for that natural slope no problem. He also warned me about going too big because of the way my rib cage is shaped which I SO appreciated. We tried on some implants in a bra and a tank and DAMN, did I look good!

Anyway, for kicks I asked about a tummy tuck as I'd eventually want to do that too and was surprised to find out because my stomach muscles are so strong, he wouldn't even need to repair them, but simply get rid of the extra skin. He could do it at the same time which would tack on an extra week worth of recovery (normally it would tack on an extra month but because my tummy is in good shape, it's a lot less recovery time).

Anyway, I'm thinking of scheduling this for when your parents are here so we'd have the extra help.

OK, off to my next scary appointment!!! EEK!



So, it went great. I also loved that he didn't try to sell me more stuff. I went to a consult years ago and the guy wouldn't stop talking about all the things he could do to make me as perfect as possible. This guy validated where I was coming from and actually seemed relieved that I was realistic about my goals. He loved the "ski jump" analogy and actually wrote that down on the paperwork. The fact that he could do a relatively easy tummy tuck too just thrilled me. We communicated well, and his book was filled with one testimonial after another.

So, I told my husband that my commissions from this year just about covered the expenses and I have 2 more sales coming up that would cover the surgery, leaving the money in the bank to cover taxes. I told him how I was going to see if I couldn't move my other consult up and he finished my sentence saying "Or just cancel and go ahead and schedule for when my parents are here with the guy you saw today."

HHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! That would mean surgery in the first week and a half in December. I would have extra help from his family and it would be over the holidays so I wouldn't have to worry about work or taking the kids to and from school.


Now onto my next appointment....

OUCH !!! But so worth it (though hubby only gets to look, no touching for 48 hours!)!


Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I bought the dress!

Okay, after showing homes, I was in the neighborhood of Anne Taylor Loft and HAD to see if my dress was still there.

It was.

It was there, and it was marked down 50% off!!

Oh, I had to buy it now. Had to. However, I was now almost 5 pounds lighter than last I tried it on and 5 pounds off a 5' tall person is A LOT. So, into the dressing room I went with the size 4 I'd tried before, as well as a size 2.

The 2 fit.

I about screamed!!

I happily had the woman there ring it up. She gushed about how much she loved that particular dress and how they'd marked it down just the day before. I told her and the other clerk who was also going on about the dress that I'd been there last week and just couldn't get it out of my mind. The other clerk said, "That's how you know you just have to have something! When you can't get it out of your mind!"

I could burst, I'm so happy!

Now I am wondering however if I shouldn't take it back and exchange it for the 4. I am getting my "girls" a boost. I thought about that when trying them on and there is room for growth in both, just more in the 4.

What do you guys think??

Last day before P3. 116.5 today. Appointments made tomorrow. Now I need an adult warning!

Hey all!

116.5 on the NEW scale, 115.9 on the kiss assy old one. I remember after my first round that my last dose weight was in the 140s but I dropped into the 130s during the 72 hours before P3. Technically I shouldn't have hung onto that lower weight while stabilizing, but I couldn't face going back to the 140s after seeing the 130s. That said, if I can stabilize at a lower weight, by golly, I will! Less than 5 pounds from my original goal (though that doesn't seem important in the least anymore. I'm thrilled where I am!).

So, I have 2 appointments tomorrow... but one is not with a doctor...

I have an appointment with the most recommended surgeon tomorrow at 10. My friend sent me to a site of a surgeon in NY who is also an artist. His work is goooorrrrrgeous. I've printed my favorites and also emailed the surgeon what I want. This doctor I'm seeing doesn't have profile after pictures so I couldn't tell if he does the same kind of work. My husband and I have been looking at after shots and he explained it best, that most afters look so horribly round and therefore not real. That a natural breast curves in such a way that it looks like a ski jump down to the nipple, where as many augmented breasts gon't have that slope, but are curving over and round. I want the ski jump!

Here is the NY doc's website:

Here are my favorite afters:

The OTHER appointment I have...

I'm getting my first Brazilian! Not the people, the waxing! Hee! I am VERY nervous. I called my sister who I knew would be appreciative as she has sworn they are terrific. She was so pleased and said, "Oh this is so exciting! I remember my first Brazilian - it was so liberating!" and in the background I could hear her wusband snort and chuckle, "I'm outta here!".

Here's where I'm going and their explanation as to what to expect the first time. It gave me a laugh!


Monday, November 9, 2009

I know, I am SUCH a chatty cathy lately! 117 today and took my measurements...

They don't call it Pounds and Inches for nothin'!

117 this morning, no dosing, and I am SO looking forward to P3 on Wednesday!

I have a few doctors to call today. I'll keep y'all posted on what I find out and decide to do. I am considering all the doctors here (they share an office, that makes it easy):

and I consistently liked the photos from this doctor:

I think I'll find just the right artist between them all. :)

Toodle-oo, buckeroos!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

HAD to post - I heard back from the fantastically educated Quaker surgeon!

The other physician I planned on making an appointment with tomorrow is one of his partners!

I will call the office first thing in the morning. Thank you so much for the reply and explanation!



Larry Leonard wrote:
> Clarity,
> Thanks for your note. I do not use before and after pictures. I feel that this is a poor way to choose a surgeon since the worst surgeon can present a few good results. What one would like to see is the last ten (or one hundred) unselected results. Only this would reflect a surgeon's mean outcome and not just the very best that he can achieve. Also each patient, including you, is unique. The fact that one patient with a given anatomy achieved a good result does not mean that another patient with different anatomy will. My six partners at are all excellent, also younger and less opinionated than me, and do not generally share my aversion to pre and post operative pictures. Please look through their galleries. You will see only very good results.
> I am also not impressed with "smart lipo." This is a heavily marketed minor variation on the lipo techniques we have been using quite successfully for more than twenty years. There are sixty board certified plastic surgeons in Utah, and I do not know of anyone who is using "smart lipo." Where skin tightening by heating is the aim perhaps there will be a place for the use of the laser, but this is not yet clear.
> Most plastic surgeons in Utah including myself do not charge for cosmetic consults, so I would be pleased to actually visit with you in person, examine you, and make a recommendation about the surgeon who is most likely to satisfy your needs. Please call the office at (801) 408-2508 to make an appointment.
> Larry
> Larry G. Leonard, M.D. FACS
> Premier Plastic Surgery Group of Utah
> Salt Lake City and Park City, Utah

Alright, my lovies... I'm calling it a day... and I'm calling this round over.


I am starving. It hit like a train. No amount of water nor cucumbers will curb this hunger, and I ate over 2 pounds of cucumbers an hour ago!

I'm not counting today as my last dose weight. I was 117.3 yesterday and .3 more today and though I dosed this morning, the HCG as I've said, must be bad. It's been about 10 days since it came out of the freezer so no surprise.

I'm 117 pounds and I bought Ralph Lauren Polo size 4 corduroys today that fit so perfectly, I'm going back to Costco to buy them in every color. SIZE FREAKIN' 4. Although my new boobs will put my weight a little higher, at least that weight is accounted for ;). Who knows - a little shaping with smart lipo later could counterbalance that anyway. Oh, and I can't wait to start back up with my Wii!!

Speaking of new boobs, I have now gotten 3 referrals to the same doctor. I will be giving him a call tomorrow. I LOVE that he lists all of his procedures AND their prices, right on his website. He's the only one I've seen do that. Very impressive.

So thank you all soooooooooooooo much again for the support! I will continue to blog as the HCG may be done, but the emotional journey continues on, and I just love all y'all.


117.6, up .3, dosed anyway, I've had lunch and I'm still hungry. Crap.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

To make up for my previous way too long post, something short and sweet

I've been logging my calories and exercise for years using fitness assistant.

Here is a graph of my weight loss in the last 3 years. Can you tell when I did my rounds? :)

Click on the image for a larger version.

Hello m'dears...

117.3 today. I dosed. I must say though, this is getting REALLY old. I am so friggin' bored. My taste buds are gearing up for P3 in a big way.

My jeans are falling off me. My size 6 jeans. I cannot believe this! I am NOT complaining. This is incredible to me. I cannot believe I am back. I am BACK.

I spent much of the day researching plastic surgery. I think I may have found my surgeon. I'm thinking boobs first. Mine are gone. Between the breast feeding and the weight loss, they are gone, gone, gone. Thank goodness for really good bras.

So looking for a plastic surgeon in Utah is an interesting experience. The local dominate faith says no to tattoos and extra piercings, but is all for breast augmentation. I mean the clinics here are like the sex shops in Holland - on every corner it seems. So, I looked and looked, and then decided to look on facebook for kicks. I searched for Utah Plastic Surgeon. facebook grabbed people I had mutual friends with and I think I may have found my guy. He is in Park City and he is a friend of another friend of mine who I know from Quaker meeting. He's apparently a Quaker and completely on the same page as I am politically. Now of course, this wouldn't be enough for me and just looking at his webpage, I would have most likely skipped him altogether. No before or after pictures which I consider a must, and the website looks like he could have put it together and did so 15 years ago. Because he and I have a mutual friend and we're like minded people, I decided I had to investigate further and not dismiss him for lack of web advertising skills. His education and resume' are INCREDIBLE:

Dr. Leonard is a board certified plastic and reconstructive surgeon and has been in practice in Utah for the past twenty-five years. His areas of special interest are facial rejuvenation (including the forehead, eyes, cheeks and neck), skin resurfacing, smoothing the contours of the face with fat transfer, breast modification (both enlargement and reduction), tummy tuck, and suction fat removal. He also sees patients for reconstruction following the treatment of cancers, burns, and injuries.

High school:Highland Park High School, Dallas (1961)
Spring Branch High School (1962) and Memorial High School (1963), Houston
graduated, Edina-Morningside High School, Minneapolis (1964)Undergraduate:Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, Maryland
graduated, Bachelor of Arts, 1968Medical School:Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, Maryland
graduated, Doctor of Medicine, 1971General Surgery:straight surgery intern, University of Colorado Medical Center,
Denver 1971-2
general surgery resident, 1972-5, senior resident, 1974-5
program director: Thomas E. Starzl, M.D.Plastic Surgery:Johns Hopkins University, 1977-79.
program director: John E. Hoopes, M.D.Maxillo-facial Surgery:Maryland Institute of Emergency Medical Services, University of Maryland, 1979
program director: Paul M. Manson, M.D.Hand Surgery:Raymond M. Curtis Hand Center, Union Memorial Hospital, 1980
program directors: Raymond M. Curtis, M.D. and E. F. Shaw Wilgis, M.D.

Assistant Professor, Department of Surgery, Division of Plastic Surgery, Johns Hopkins University, 1979-1981

Assistant Professor, Department of Surgery, Division of Plastic Surgery, University of Utah, 1981-1983

Associate Professor, Department of Surgery, Division of Plastic Surgery, University of Utah 1983

Associate Clinical Professor, Department of Surgery, Division of Plastic Surgery, University of Utah, 1986 to present

Since 1986 Dr. Leonard has been a volunteer with Interplast, Inc., an organization of plastic surgeons from throughout the world based in Palo Alto, California, which sends teams on invitation to developing countries to perform reconstructive surgeries at no cost to patients in the host country. The majority of patients are children with problems including birth defects of the lip, palate and hand, and scars from burns and trauma. A team of surgeons, anesthesiologists, recovery and operating room nurses, a pediatrician, and one or two support persons (usually numbering around ten), spend two weeks in country working with local surgeons to treat between eight and one hundred twenty patients. The team takes all of its supplies, dressings, sutures, instruments, necessary machinery, like cautery, suction and an autoclave with it. Physicians pay all of their own travel and living expenses. The nurses expenses are paid through charitable contributions. Dr. Leonard has made fifteen trips to eight countries over the past thirteen years. The countries are Honduras, Mexico, Bolivia, Chile, Philippines, China, Nepal, and Bangladesh. Larry and June first met on Interplast trip to Shanghai in 1993 and try to do at least one trip together per year.

Dr. Leonard has practiced plastic and reconstructive surgery in Utah for twenty-eight years. He completed his residency training in plastic surgery at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore where he also attended college and medical school. Prior to joining the faculty at the University of Utah in 1981 he taught plastic surgery at Hopkins for two years. Since entering private practice in 1986 he has worked principally at the LDS Hospital where he has served two terms as chief of plastic surgery. His areas of special interest are facial rejuvenation( including the forehead, eyes, cheeks, and neck), skin resurfacing, smoothing of the contours of the face with fat transfer, breast modification (both enlargement and reduction), tummy tuck, and suction fat removal. He also sees patients for reconstructive surgery following treatment for cancer, burns, and injury particularly using microsurgical techniques. He has offices in both Salt Lake City and Park City.

Dr. Leonard is a native of South Carolina, as are his parents, his brother, and most of his relatives as far back as seven generations. He grew up in Dallas, Texas and attended high schools in Dallas, Houston, and Minneapolis. He obtained his undergraduate education at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore and remained at Hopkins for medical school, graduating in 1971. He then completed a general surgery residency at the University of Colorado Medical Center in Denver and has obtained board certification in general surgery. He served two years as a major in the United States Air Force Medical Corp as a general surgeon stationed in Northern California before returning to Johns Hopkins for plastic surgery residency, which he completely in 1979. He remained in Baltimore for addition subspecialty training in surgery of the hand and a maxillofacial trauma fellowship. In 1980-81 he served as chief of plastic surgery at Baltimore City Hospital (now Bayview Medical Center) and full time faculty at Hopkins. During the same year he completed certification by the American Board of Plastic Surgery In 1981 he joined the full time faculty at the University of Utah where he introduced microsurgical procedures not previously performed in the intermountain area. In 1986 he left the university to enter private practice in Salt Lake City, working principally at LDS Hospital, Primary Children's Medical Center, and Salt Lake Regional Medical Center . He passed the examinations for the Certificate of Added Qualification in Surgery of the Hand in 1990, the first year that the exam was offered to plastic surgeons.

WOW. This totally makes up for not having before and after pictures.

I am thinking my next closing will go towards breast augmentation. I also want to do smart-lipo and if I'm not totally satisfied, either a mini-tummy tuck or a full one. With all the weightloss, I think a mini may do it.

In any case, one boob for Christmas and one for my husband's birthday (Dec 21). Heee! :P