Monday, November 30, 2009

First day of P4 - 115.2 and SICK

114.5 on suck up. I consider myself officially stable! What a GREAT feeling.

Not so great feeling? The sore throat and stuffy head. I gotta say, thank GOD I am in P4 today because I am just downing chicken veggie soup like it's going out of style. It has some non-P3 friendly ingredients.

I am trying to relax. I've been dieting for so long. Finally being at the weight I want to be, I need to retrain myself and relax. To not worry about what this food is going to do. I need to eat what I crave because I'm craving healthy foods. I need to relax.

Obviously I'm not doing a steak day today. I have the steaks ready if I need them, and will freeze them for later if I don't need one tomorrow.

I have so much I want to share but am just feeling crappy. Part of it is the cold I caught, and I'm sure part is hormonal as I am crying at the drop of a hat. I know much of that is because I'm back home and back to reality, but I literally just burst into tears without any provocation. It's also the fear of the surgery. If I let myself think about it, my stomach goes into knots. I absolutely panic.

I'll write more tomorrow. I do have much to process and I love processing with all of you. You really help me, more than I can say.


Caitlin said...

It is great to read your posts again and I am sorry you are having difficulty right now. Keep your chin up! Have you and your husband talked yet about possibly moving back near family? I bet that is hard coming back home and missing family and such...

Anonymous said...

Awww sweetie, hope you are feeling better soon. Keep on with the chicken soup, take it easy and try some Vit C. I've missed your cheery posts, welcome back.

lavenderdiva said...

oh my goodness. I'm so sorry you are under the weather! do you have emergen-c? I get it at Whole Foods, and it works wonders for a cold, along with the chicken soup you are already eating.

You are gonna do fine with your surgery. You are going to have so much support around you with your family there, and a loving husband. Once you start feeling like 'you' again, you will be so happy!

You really are stabilizing! Even with the suck-up scale! That's just so wonderful, helderheid! I'm thrilled to bits for you-- so many things are going your way!!

helderheid said...

Caitlin, thank you. We haven't really talked about it. Just a little in passing. We need to have that talk. I am no longer keeping my mouth shut.

AR, thank you! I need to be brave and go buy some vit C. I'm doing extra vitamin d, coconut oil, and ACV but I need more C.

lavenderdiva, Thank you! I'll get some today.

Thanks for the comforting words. The whole thing has me unnerved between the actual operation and the paying for it. I need to accept this is going to happen and just breathe!!