Tuesday, December 1, 2009

2nd day of P4, 115.9 (115.4 on suck up), lots of new intruduced.

Hey hey. I'm exactly 2 pounds up from LLW and not quite 2 pounds under LDW. This after introducing some starch and sugar, and having a handful of cashews last night (SALT!!). Not bad results. I'll keep the steaks out of the freezer for one more day just in cases (was that from Love Actually? My daughter says it all the time now and is so adorable).

I'm having a very hard time with my emotions right now. I panic when I'm sick anyway but to have the surgery looming exactly 2 weeks from now, I'm a mess. What am I doing?? I know it will be okay, but ACK!!

So, while on the trip everyone pulled my husband aside to get an idea as to why he'd not considered moving to PortlanItalicd. God, I appreciate my family. My sister's wasband took him to a brew pub and questioned him further. What he told him was that the office there is much more formal and he prefers the laid back attitude of the Utah office, and that he felt Portland would be far more expensive than Utah. The first point I can't argue. The second one, I feel I can. I've looked at cost of living calculators between where we are versus there and there is about a 10K per year difference, however, this would assume I'm not working. My kids are old enough for me to go back to work. So, it isn't more expensive to move there. Our home has equity and the market out there got hit a LOT worse than ours. We could get a lot more home out there for the money.

At one point, he told me everyone was pressuring him to move to Portland. I replied, "We should!". He didn't say anything about it after that.

So, it's a matter of addressing that first point. It's a valid point, but so is the point that our kids will have so many more opportunities for them there, not to mention a culture that they'd fit in, that I'd fit in, and we'd be close to family. That's huge. HUGE.

His folks will be here in another couple weeks and I have this major surgery coming up. It's a lot of pressure so I'm not pushing the issue right now, but it will come up and I'm no longer afraid to say what I need to say.

So, there you have it. I'm moving very slowly and trying to move this bug out of my system. I'll get some emergen-c when I pick up the kids from school. Tomorrow I'll do some moving of commissions around on my various credit cards so I can pay for this surgery. I have another accepted offer on a pre-forclosure house that I believe will go through sometime next month, and I have a potential either listing or new rental coming up this week, and they want to buy too... but I've learned not to count unhatched chicks!

Love you guys. You really help me so very much.


lavenderdiva said...

oh sweetie. I wish I could wrap my arms around you and make all your worry and sickness go away. Load up on emergen-c and that will take care of your cold. Oh, and remember to rest; your system needs it right now.

Being scared about your surgery is very normal. It is a big step, in many ways. This is something you have dreamed about for a long time, and your dream is coming true. You've got a great medical team on your side, and the financial aspect is all going to work out. You are a very careful person, and you've planned for and worked all the details out. Its going to be fine.

I think change is swirling all around you just now. That can be intoxicating at times and overwhelming at others. That is where you find yourself. The move to Portland is something you are going to have to allow your husband to come to terms with. He's got a lot to sort out in his mind too. I know he will get there, maybe not as quickly as you did, but he will get there-- be patient.

You are also dealing with a whole new body too, from losing all that weight! That's another significant change right there! You've done so well, and your metabolism apparently likes the new you! I believe that it can take some time for your mind to come to terms with the degree of weight you have lost. You are very excited right now about finding yourself in the teens again, and you should be: its quite an accomplishment! However, internally there may be an unspoken dialogue going on that's trying to come to terms with that new reflection in the mirror. That needs time to process and accept.

You've got quite a bit on your plate, my chickadee! Take some more time for yourself, and relax. Truly, its all going to be alright. I believe in you. You are loved. Hugs to you. many hugs.

helderheid said...

You have no idea how much your comments mean to me. You've really touched my heart. I forwarded them on to my mom to see. THANK YOU. You're right, I hadn't really thought about how quickly everything has changed and that in and of itself is a lot to process, let alone with this next big change coming up. I'll try to be more patient with myself. Fear is a habit I'd really love to give up, and the most addictive one I have.

Thank you again. Truly from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

chipmunck said...

I'm wishing you the best. Surgery is always a big step. But you will do great! You just lay there and sleep. ;)

I want to mirror Lavender's lovely words!! You are a thoughtfully careful person and you don't sound like you simply rush into things!

Enjoy the holidays, rest and take care of yourself!

I really enjoy the collage. How do you get it to work on the blog? I want to take that idea. I love making collages, just haven't in a while and I love the expression of you! Do you scan it and then what? Can I still that idea?

Christy in Seattle said...

Wow, lavenderdiva, what a great and insightful comment!

What she said!