Darn you, garlic salt!

I was truly amazed I didn't lose more this first week. I just read about someone else who started the same time I did and is down 9+ pounds. THAT is what I had expected for myself, given this incredibly huge lifestyle change for me.

I had a nagging feeling I should check the ingredients of the garlic salt (which I've pretty much used on everything I've eaten this week, and not sparingly) and lo and behold. Corn starch and sugar are in the ingredients. GAH!! I have pre-cooked my chicken in it. I won't put any more on it and will buy a new sugar-free corn starch free bottle tomorrow. I have the feeling this is why it wasn't more TA-DA! Hopefully this upcoming week will be much better.

I had such a strange day. We've finished our basement which has forced me to go through 6 years of crap upstairs so I can sort what needs to be stored and what can go. I found an old floppy disk from when I had been in a very strange relationship with my diary on it. What a hoot! For one thing, I'd forgotten how much I used to love to write. I wasn't half bad, either. For another, it reminded me how far I've come, as well as what has always been true and constant, and what always will be. That core inside me of who I really am. Very much who I am trying to get back to. That's not the right terminology. I am that. I am trying to be just that, without all the baggage and protection I've built up. It's so easy to forget who we are.

One of the biggest things I've had to face is my fear of sleep. I've always had insomnia issues. Over the years, I found that if I drank, I could sleep. Of course alcohol messes with your sleep cycle so though I could fall asleep, the quality was terrible and consequently I've not been rested for a very long time. What's funny is how obvious it is to me now why falling asleep at night was such a terrifying prospect. I have no fear of taking naps during the day, and once I have fallen asleep at night, if I happen to wake in the night, I am not afraid to sleep again at that point. I haven't been able to let myself just fall asleep.

The first night of the protocol was the worst. I would catch myself falling asleep and jolt myself awake (it wasn't for a lack of exhaustion). I finally dozed off at about 2 in the morning. It has gotten steadily better ever since I finally faced that it was because of a childhood trauma. I never dealt with the fear of falling asleep at night before. I had some inkling bubbling underneath the surface of my consciousness, but it didn't surface completely until now. Such an "Ah-HA!" and "DUH!" moment! I hear that trauma like that is stored in your cells as much as anything and that releasing fat can bring these traumas to light to be dealt with (or not). So, I made an effort to communicate to myself that I was no longer in danger. That I have a husband to protect me even if I were, and if he's not here, one bad ass German Shepard who would kick ass if I were threatened.

I have slept better and better each night since this discovery. Amazing, truly. What a gift this has been. So, my garlic salt had sugar and starch in it. Foo foo. I can fall asleep for the first time in YEARS without having to take something! Now THAT is something. Hopefully next time my husband is out of town, I will be able to as well. That is always the hardest time (even with wine to soothe my nerves).

Until next time...