Saturday, April 3, 2010

Sorry.

I wiped out the last few posts. I needed to vent, but I felt weird about it later. You all know how scared I've been about speaking my heart. We are communicating a bit, though it's still very tense, and just as I feared, my lack of clear and open communication in the past has been harmful. I HATE being so afraid to talk about what I feel, but I know too that just figuring out what that is is a real challenge.

I'm going to try to eat something, though my stomach is in knots and has been since yesterday evening. I'm down almost a pound, +4.5 above LDW.

5 comments:

lavenderdiva said...

I think it might be a good idea for you to take some time for yourself: draw a nice bubble bath, pour yourself a glass of wine or champagne, and go soak. Just relax, and zone out. Stay until you are all pruney.

OR, go spend some serious time meditating. You just really need to center yourself, and clear your head. You've had so much stress swirling all around you the last 24hrs, and you need to decompress.

Please eat something. Whether you feel like it or not. Your body needs the nutrition.

I'm sending you lots of hugs and good energy. much love to you...

mommygonemilf said...

It is so scary to say how you feel and articulate it in writing. Lavenderdiva is right....give yourself a break.

helderheid said...

Thanks both of you. It's a little better. I apologized from the heart for not being 100% up front. This has been an issue I've been dealing with and something I want to be done with. I don't want to be afraid to show up, tell the truth, and let go of the outcome.

Nothing is resolved, but we're at least being kind with each other.

lavenderdiva said...

You love each other. You want each other to be happy, because you love each other. That is the basis for everything. Its the basis for the trust you are building with him, by sharing you heart with him. Sometimes it hurts, and sometimes its infuriating (and lots and lots of times its wonderful!). But that's all part of the package, the good and the bad. You married each other 'for better or for worse'. Keep loving one another, and the rest will follow....

Lis said...

LD has such a way with words, I love that about her. Take care of yourself and know I am sending positive energy your way. Lots of love to you Helderheid.