I'm ready for P4. I feel stable, and I am anxious to move into that next phase of my life.
I am having marital problems... well, problem to be specific, that has plagued the entire span of our marriage. Unfortunately, I don't do confrontations well as my husband intimidates me, and on this particular topic, I've found it to be useless, but waking up this morning, I don't see the point in keeping my mouth shut about it either.
It's my husband's smoking.
Some of you know the story already, but I'll briefly summarize it to say when we met, I was a smoker too. Due to finances at one point, we both decided to quit. I had a stressful homesick day (this is when I was living in Holland, and hadn't been there that long, maybe 6 months TOPS, didn't know the language, missed my family, etc., etc - you get the idea) and I slipped and smoked. My husband (then boyfriend) was so disgusted with my lack of will power and said that if I was going to start up, there was no point in him quitting. And he started back up. Not long after that we married, and a month later I was pregnant with our son. Of course at that point, I quit. No more cigarettes for me because I was doing everything for 2 at that point. I also at that point had to ask my husband to quit smoking in the house.
I've found that he has the personality that if you push, he pushes back. After some time I decided he was smart enough that if I just backed off, he'd eventually quit. His parents and sister were smokers and all quit. Practically all of his friends in Holland were smokers and THEY all quit. I quit. Surely, he would come around to it.
Last night he told me (in not so many words) that smoking makes him sane. I told him (in not so many words) that his example was hurting our children.
Cigarette packs are now something like $6, 3 times what they cost when I was smoking. They have no redeeming value. His father has had cancer. He has gum disease, and smoking exasperates that. More than that, he has a family. He has a wife and two kids who LOVE and adore him.
We got our wills notarized yesterday. He said afterwards (jokingly of course) "Now I can travel and you won't mind because I have a will!". No, you block head! Now I know the house won't go into probate if you DIE OF LUNG CANCER. Of course I didn't say that.
It makes him sane. God, I know how hard it is to quit smoking. It's one of the hardest things I've ever done in my entire life, but it's doable. You need stress relief? Go to the gym.
Sorry for the rant. I just needed to get this off my chest. Now, how to talk to the husband about it...
Edited to add...
I think part of the problem with our communication is I have a hard time separating my resentment from my very real concern, love, and hurt I feel about this. I love him so much. I love him, and I love my family and I just want us all around for as long as possible... Thanks for letting me work through this here. It helps to have a sounding board.