Friday, October 16, 2009


When we moved in together initially, we agreed that until I had a career, I'd be a house wife. I had the kids and we could afford for me to stay home with them while he worked. It's how he was raised as well. Well, sort of. I later found out that whomever cooked, didn't have to clean up afterwards. Not the case in our home. Not that he "expected" me to, it's just how it ended up - to the point where I became the house maid for everyone. I'm not that good at it but it took me years to finally realize that I was doing no one any good by training them to leave whatever they were done with where it was for me to pick up. How I wish I'd figured that out earlier. The retraining isn't going so well.

A couple years after we bought this house, the house kitty corner went up on the market. My parents bought it. We even shared part of a fence in the back yard which we installed a gate in between so we could easily visit. This ended up causing a lot of tension between myself and my husband. It took sometime for me to finally figure out that he'd gotten quite used to having me all to himself and he didn't like sharing me with them. He told me once that he thought I was only with him because he could provide for me and that I'd prefer to spend all my time with my family, which of course wasn't true, but emotions aren't logical creatures by nature.

Eventually when my kids were old enough, I started a real estate career (right as the bottom was falling out in the market). My mother was my broker. I had some sanity at this point - I was working, which made me feel useful again. I was interacting with adults. I was working with one of my best friends.

Unfortunately, starting your own real estate company when the US economy was swirling down the drain wasn't the smartest idea. I did end up with a pretty good property management business, specializing in high end homes that weren't selling. We've developed quite the reputation for matching up qualified renters with these homes.

I have shown houses to 11 qualified buyers over the last 2 years. I've sold 3 homes in the last 2 years. This kept me very busy, but not making money, especially given the expense of starting a company from the ground up. I'm working with buyers now that I know will buy (I've finally figured out when I'm being used versus being hired), and I believe I will hang it up after that.

I'm getting off track here.

My father lost his job, like so many people have in this economy. He was now dependent on my mother and I making a living at real estate in order for them to keep their home.

Obviously, we didn't.

The home sits vacant now. The gate is still there. They moved out of state and took a care taking position to make ends meet.

Every time I look out the back window, I see their empty home. It looks skeletal to me now. Empty, lifeless, and a reminder of how much I miss them. How much we've lost. All those hopes dashed.


lavenderdiva said...

I wish I could reach out and put my arms around you. There are a lot of similarities in our backgrounds and your story. I understand.

Keep getting it out, it will feel so good when you do.

I don't think it coincidence you're my friend in this.... hugs to you. 000

helderheid said...

I cannot tell you how much that means to me. Thank you so much - I too believe we were meant to meet and become friends. Thank God! Thank you! *HUGS*

Christy in Seattle said...

Wow. Your husband's comment must have been extremely hurtful!

helderheid said...

Christy, it was. I felt just awful that he'd feel that way about me.