Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Extraordinarily depressed.

My scale won't give me a steady reading. I'd not be concerned if it weren't for the fact that my jeans are tight as well. VLCD day 11 and I may actually be more than my pre-load weight. I feel fat, out of control, angry, helpless and hopeless. I feel like I should never have done this round.

I'm going to buy a new scale. What else can I do? It's not the batteries. I changed them last week (also because of the bizarre all over the map readings). My basement scale (which I replaced with the one I have now because it also lost it's mind over the years) had me at 128 this morning. Officially fat again.

I wish I had something inspirational to say. I have nothing. I'm empty. My breasts are KILLING me. At least I know something hormonal is playing into this as well. I just keep crying. I can't stop crying.

I know there is a body/mind connection and I wondered yesterday if perhaps because I know I have things I need to say and I've yet to say it if that's why my body is holding on. I was fully prepared to write it out today, at least start again, but I'm too depressed to do anything right now.

10 comments:

Chrisi said...

Hang in there, I totally can relate. I started R2 over a month ago and right about the 2nd week into it I started having cravings, watching the scale yo yo, being hungry. I kept pushing, I kept cheating, and today I realized that it's immunity. So, I'm officially on P3 ASAP so that I can just give my body a break. It is so frustrating. Sorry you are struggling too.

Weight Watchers sells great scales for pretty reasonable. I got mine on amazon. They even have ones that measure muscle and fat.

helderheid said...

Thanks Chrisi. I'll see if I can find one.

I've not cheated once. Not even a little. I'm not hungry, either.

helderheid said...

Oh, and I'm on day 11 - I can't imagine immunity is the problem. Thanks though.

Chrisi said...

I'm glad! You have done so well, way to go!!

Caitlin Murphy said...

Hi- I am so sorry things are difficult right now for you- no fun! ... but if it helps, you are not alone. Try to get through today and maybe tomorrow morning things will be different? :)

Christy in Seattle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Christy in Seattle said...

Sorry you're feeling so low! If it were me, I'd up the protein by about an ounce a day and start working out more. Once you're feeling a little better, that might be worth a try.

The scale that I got was a Taylor Glass Bodyfat Scale. I found it at Target for about $40. (After finding out how muscular I am yesterday, I set the scale to the "athletic woman" setting, and the body fat % is reading far more accurate, if still a little high).

Did you get a bad batch of hCG?

helderheid said...

Thanks for all your support guys.

Christy, I'm built athletically too - sounds like a good scale to check out!

I wish I could say it was a bad batch, but as I've said - I'm not hungry. That, and if it were a bad batch, I'd lose on less than 500 calories a day. *SIGH*

Autumn Rose said...

Have you had some alone time lately? I know your little one has been sick, maybe a change of scenery would do some good. If you can't escape how about a soothing bath in some epsom salts? I love lavender! Take care of yourself.

nikkispower said...

You're not pregnant, right? Maybe it has something to do with the bug I think you said you caught.
If it's non of the above then I have to agree with you that there's definitely something else going on that you might need to reach.
I know I don't know you AND you don't know me, so you probably could care less what I say (esp. now) but really I think you need to take a break from it all -- so to speak-- you should relax and take some "ME" time for yourself.

The weight you have gained will come off! You know that already. So please don't give up and don't continue to be depressed. You've come too far to give up!

Good luck to you.
nikki