Friday, October 9, 2009

VLCD Day 6 -.8 - and the beginning of the story (A.K.A. I was Born Under a Wanderin' Star).

I'm not terribly concerned about my weight right now, so long as it doesn't go up. :) I've had a loss of .8 pounds which has me at 122.6 today, and 3 more weeks of VLCD to go.

I've been meaning to bring up the emotional stuff that's been happening but it's always hard to know where to start. I wish I'd had the mind set to have simply blogged it as it came up, but I didn't. I probably would have been a lot better off.

Part of the reason I've had a hard time about what I've been feeling is that I've felt guilty for even having those feelings in the first place.

I'm 34 with 2 healthy, smart, funny, creative, loving children whom I adore. I am married to a man who still gives me butterflies. We own a home in the suburbs and have for 7 years. My husband has a wonderful career here. We have a dog and 2 cats. American dream. Can you see why I'm feeling guilty about not being satisfied?

My parents divorced when I was 5, one of the most liberating days of my life. I couldn't wait to live with my mom. When I was 8, my mom remarried a man that I had an instant connection to. I knew before they did they'd marry (and they'd only known each other a couple weeks before they tied the knot. They are still married). He was a programmer, and my mom a very successful real estate agent. They put their heads together and created software for agents, the first of its kind.

From the age of 9, we moved all over the country about every 6 months or so. It averaged that. There were some years I changed schools 3 times. I have lived in 10 states (some multiple times and cities) and have attended 20 schools. Because my parents owned their own company, we could do this. My mother grew up an only child with her mom, and they too moved quite a bit, though just in California. My father craved change. They traveled all over the country training people on the software and inevitably, they would fall in love with the town they were in and a few weeks later, there we were.

I loved it. I was raised on adventure, and a U-Haul was my 2nd home. I was someone new wherever I went. I experienced such different cultures all over the country. I made friends easily, knowing I would likely not have long to know them. I grew up in the family business, in love with computers and communication, and began meeting people online via local BBSs when I was just 10. I eventually met my husband on the internet in 1998. He was in Holland (where he's from) and I was in a little tiny town in Utah at the time.

I'll expand more later. I just wanted to begin somewhere so I think this is a good start. There is a lot more to come.

Thanks if you made it this far!

VLCD #6 122.6 (-.8 form pre-load weight, - 4.1 from post load weight, kinda 10.6 from "goal")


lavenderdiva said...

0.8lb lost today, is not too shabby considering how close you are to your goal weight! I'd say that was an excellent return for yesterday's efforts!

I'm pleased you're writing down some of the things you're sorting out. You've mentioned them for awhile, and getting those thoughts into words can sometimes bring clarity to your situation.

helderheid said...

Thanks! I appreciate it. It's all in my head and heart and I know getting it out into actual text will be such a relief. There's a lot more to say, and I'm hoping the posts will weave together the picture I'm trying to convey. I also hope my gratitude for my life will be obvious despite some of the things I need to let out.

lavenderdiva said...

I think your painting the picture of your past, will help you with your future. I know how grateful you are for your sweetie and your children. You're just sorting through your feelings, and getting them out.

Its all good: were you to keep those feelings bottled up, I think you might risk gaining weight again. It seems to me its all part of the 'shedding' of the old you....

helderheid said...

THANK YOU. I am so grateful for your perspective and that you recognize my gratitude despite some of the angst I need to express!